Page 15 of Forever Found

“Addy, now Kane and Ash are here, you really need to get your injuries looked at,” Eli worried. I glanced over to him and realized how exhausted he looked now. He had to be in pain, and it wasn’t so long since he woke from surgery. He needed to rest and I needed to take care of my girl.

“Eli’s right. How about we go and do that, and Ash can stay with Eli while he gets some rest, okay?” I suggested as I glanced up to Ash to check he was good with that.

“Eli should rest, but I d-don’t need to be checked over. I…I’m f-fine. Just some bruises,” Addy said dismissively.

“Addy,” Eli admonished gently.

“I can come with you, if that would help, sweetheart?” Asher offered and I tensed, hating the idea that Addy would feel safer with him than she did with me, but I also knew I would hand her over to Asher and shut my mouth if it were what she needed. She had been through enough without witnessing me having a kiddy tantrum.

“I can’t, Asher. Pl-please don’t make me. I c…can’t have a stranger t-touching me…I can’t,” Addy squeaked out throughher tight throat. “I just want to g-go home. I want Jordan and A-Adam. Please can we just g-go home? Please?” She looked up to meet my eyes and pleaded with me silently. When I half smiled, she already knew the answer I had to give. Eli wasn’t ready to leave the hospital yet and we had the police to deal with.

A quiet sob slipped from her as she pressed her face against my chest and I could feel she was shaking even harder now. She was obviously exhausted, and, I suspected, in pain. She was also riding the very edge of her anxiety and fighting like hell not to fall off of that edge.

I was sick with worry about what Eli had said, about her being alone with Kline and who knew what other monsters. I knew there was a possibility they had assaulted her, but I was fighting to push those thoughts back, so I could maintain my cool and calm for Addy. That was what she needed. She really didn’t need me losing it with my anger.

“How about we go into the shower room and I take a look at your injuries, okay? If there’s nothing serious we’ll just get you cleaned up and changed,” I suggested, not willing to put Addy through anymore trauma if she could be spared it.

“Okay,” she whispered with a slight nod.

“Okay.” I gave her a single nod in return. “But we will have to speak with a doctor if you have any serious injuries, angel. I’m not willing to risk anything happening to you. I already almost lost you,” I added as I pulled her even tighter against me. I had fucked up allowing her to be taken from me. I was going to make fucking sure that never ever happened again. I didn’t think I’d ever even be able to allow her out of my sight again.

ADDY

I didn’t lift my head from Kane’s chest as he stood with me in his arms and walked into the washroom of Eli’s private room. I didn’t want to look at Ash or Eli again. I felt like such a failure before them both. I had wanted to be so strong and keep Eli safe. Instead he had protected me, gotten us both out, got shot and almost bled to death in the process. And me? I was a disaster. I was of no use to either of them. Once again I was falling apart and, no matter how much I wanted to get it together, I just didn’t seem able to. I was weak and pathetic and so beyond broken. They saw it. Kane saw it. I damn well saw it! I’d been deluding myself over recent weeks, thinking I was healing. Believing the guys when they told me I was getting stronger. Everything that had happened since Leo knocked on the door of our home had proved the exact opposite.

Adam was fighting for his life in the ICU! Eli had been through surgery! That was on me. Jordan, almost losing the very last member of his entire family, was on me. I should never have screamed for Adam. I should have left him out of the whole mess, but I had been scared, and I had needed him. That was the problem, wasn’t it? I was always scared now, and instead of trying to deal with it alone, I was leaning on Asher, Eli, Adam, Jordan, and Kane, and in the process of doing that, I was destroying their lives too.

“Addy? Look at me, angel,” Kane said softly, pulling me from the despair I was drowning in.

I ignored him and pressed my face against the soft cotton of his t-shirt even harder. I knew I should find the strength to at least walk away – to spare them all from the mess that seemed to follow me around like a never ending storm cloud, but I was so weak I didn’t even think I could manage that.

Asher and Eli had lost so much because of me. Their family business was gone. A part of the home they had lovingly built and been so happy in before I arrived, had been blown up. And Joseph – their father. Would they have ever known about any of the evil within that man without me coming along and inadvertently dredging it all up? How much suffering had they been put through because of the knowledge about their father, caused by me?

“Addy! Look at me, right now!” Kane demanded, his tone commanding and deep. As much as I wanted to ignore him and just hide until I miraculously disappeared once and for all, I couldn’t seem to ignore that tone in his sharp voice. I moved my head just enough for me to be able to lift my eyes and meet his. I was sat on his lap now, and he still held his arms around me, but the look on his face was one filled with concern.

He moved his arm from around me to tuck some strands of hair behind my ear, then he ran his finger down my cheek. “I’m losing you to that darkness again, angel, and I don’t like it. I want you to keep your eyes on mine and try to take some deeper breaths for me.”

“I can’t, Kane,” I squeaked as tears filled my eyes. “I…I c-can’t do any of this. Not anymore…not again. I…I’ve h-had enough,” I pushed out frantically through my tight throat and gasping breaths.

“Enough of that,” Kane told me firmly. “You’re exhausted and you’ve been through a lot. I’m guessing you’re in pain and haven’t eaten for hours too. Whatever you’re feeling right now is not to be trusted, you hear me? No more letting those dark thoughts pull you down. You’re going to stay right here with me and let me take care of you. You don’t need to do anything rightnow but trust me to care for you and keep you safe. You gonna do that for me, pretty girl?”

I wanted to argue that it wouldn’t be as easy as he seemed to think. I wanted to argue that I was a huge freaking disaster he should just run fast and far from. But I didn’t. Instead I nodded and pressed myself tighter into him, because I wanted what he said. I wanted to not think about anything other than the fact Kane had me, and feel safe in the knowledge that I trusted him absolutely. I wanted some peace inside and some calm, so the chaos in my head would just stop. I wanted to give into the cowardice and weakness that I knew filled me, no matter how much I knew I shouldn’t.

“Good girl,” Kane praised, and I liked it. Was that weakness too? Was I pathetic to take some warmth and affection from those two simple words of praise? “I’m gonna take off your clothes and we’ll get in the shower together. Is that good with you?”

“Yes,” I whispered. I honestly didn’t care what he did as long as he didn’t let me go. I just needed him to hold me.

“Good. Before we do, I need you to tell me everywhere you’re hurt so I can take a look, okay?” He phrased it as a question, but he was using that tone of voice that told me he expected me to answer him – the tone I seemed powerless to ignore. I took in a small breath and lifted my head enough to meet his intense gaze once again. “I need you to tell me all of it, Addy. If you’re not going to let a doctor see you, I need to be sure I see every injury you have. I need you to be safe. You understand?”

“I…I’m okay, Kane,” I said as steadily as I could, but the words still wobbled. “My wrists…they hurt a little. I h-hit my head and back too, but it…it really is just bruising. I’m alright.”

“There’s nothing else?” Kane asked tightly, suddenly looking even more tense than he had before. “You can tell me. You know you can tell me anything.”

“There’s nothing else, Kane.”

“You’re sure? Eli…he told us that you…you were alone with Max and the others while he was still knocked out. Those men…they didn’t do anything? Touch you? Hurt you?” he pushed, his tone staying way calmer than the look on his face.

“No,” I shook my head. “They d-didn’t t-touch me…not like that. Max…I th-think he wanted to. I’m sure he would have…g-given the chance, but Eli…he got us out so fast. That…it didn’t happen, They n-never touched me like that, Kane” I added as I reached up and cupped my trembling hand around his stubbled cheek. He put his hand over mine and pressed his cheek into my touch for just a moment, then he seemed to gather himself and he stood, lifting me with him.