Page 48 of Guarding Truth
Juliette turned to face him, the island separating them. She grabbed a cutting board and started dicing tomatoes. “I wouldn’t rule it out so fast. And if you’re there right next to her, you’ll be able to see everything she does. Right now, I’m afraid she’ll do something on her own.”
He blew out an exasperated breath. “I just couldn’t live with myself if I let anything happen to her.”
“I know. But I understand where she’s coming from. You’re concerned with protecting her, but she’s worried about your safety. And she wants to act, do something, to make sure nothing happens to you. She’s the risk taker you never were.”
She concentrated on cutting more veggies for the tacos to avoid Caleb’s gaze. Even though Caleb was back in her life, however temporarily, it wasn’t the same. Too much time and awkwardness had built up between them. She saw brief hints of the laid-back friendship they’d once had. While they’d made some strides in the past few days, they had miles to hike before their camaraderie kicked in.
“How do you do it, Jules? You always follow your gut instinct and face any obstacle in your way head-on. How do you let go of the fear that drives most people to make sane—albeit safe—decisions?”
“Are you calling me insane?” She shot him a smile, and she noted the tinge of pink surfacing on his cheeks.
“Sometimes you are. And it generally pays off. But what if it doesn’t?”
She chopped harder. The tomatoes would be salsa by the time she was done, but she didn’t want to face her past, let alone share it with Caleb.
But she remembered one of those nights in basic training where they’d both drawn the short straw and had guard duty. They’d talked all night while on patrol. Caleb’s insights had always been what’d attracted her to him. He had a way of seeing things she couldn’t.
She put down the knife and placed both hands on the counter. “I’d rather die being the hero than live life on the sidelines. If there’s a chance I can save a life or protect someone, I’ll take it.”
“But now? Have things changed since you’re not on active duty? You’re not in a war zone anymore.”
His prying annoyed her, and she had a knife. He’d better watch it. Oh, he was still waiting for an answer. She sighed. “After dealing with breast cancer, I realized that circumstances can spiral out of control in one deep breath. I watched everything I’d worked for go up in smoke—nothing I could do about it. I had to focus all my energy on getting better. Fighting for my own life.”
He reached over the island and covered her knife-free hand with his, a gesture she knew meant a lot.
“I know it was a tough ride for you, Jules.”
“The toughest part was knowing that I couldn’t be a Ranger any longer. I—I felt like such a failure.”
Had the wordfailureactually come out of her mouth? But that’s what she was. She’d failed Laz and Tank. And her disappearing act had cut Caleb to the core. She pulled her hand away and walked to the fridge. Maybe if she cut some onions, Caleb wouldn’t see her choked with emotions. She would blame her watery eyes on the onions.
She dumped the onions onto the cutting board and watched Caleb as he processed her pitiful announcement that at the end of the day, she, the fighter and warrior, had failed.
The rhythmic tapping of the knife on the cutting board matched the pace of her beating heart. Caleb watched her.
“Why?” was his one-word response.
“Why did I fail?” She shrugged. “Because of me, Laz and Tank had died, and I was sent home to lick my wounds and take care of myself.”
“Don’t, Jules. You can’t shoulder the burden of what happened to Tank and Laz.”
“It was my impulsive decision to get out of the car. Maybe we could have gotten them out if we’d worked together. If I hadn’t fallen…”
“You’re not responsible for their deaths, Jules,” he whispered across the island. “And you don’t have to be a Ranger to protect people. You’re doing just fine as a bodyguard.”
She stared at him. “But Joe was a Ranger.” Her brother. Her hero. All she wanted to do was protect her family.
Because it was the last thing Joe had asked of her before he’d died on a mission.
Caleb moved to the refrigerator and grabbed the beef and a sauté pan from the cabinet. As he walked past her, she caught a whiff of his familiar aftershave. The smell brought her right back to her basic training days. From day one, all she’d wanted to do was follow in her brother’s footsteps. Be a warrior who would make him proud.
Caleb placed the pan on the stove and turned to her. “Is Joe thewhybehind Hazard Pay Montgomery?”
She’d never told anyone why she took risks like she did. Lived like she had a death wish.
“Yes.” Her voice snagged and she swallowed. “Right before he died, he’d been stateside and we had a Fourth of July picnic. I was a lot younger—twelve when he died—but for all those years, I idolized my brother. He was always the life of the party, and the whole family was so proud of his service.”
She tried to move away from Caleb—to walk away from this conversation—but he covered her hand again. They stood over the chopped food, which resembled the pieces of her life, diced into a thousand fragments after the death of her brother.