Page 73 of Born Reckless

Chapter Fifteen

It usedto be that when I woke up, dawn would be dancing on the horizon. I would hear the sound of the city waking and getting ready for the day. I would do a big yawn and a big stretch, and I might dread the day, because I knew I was in for a long day of work, and a long day of school, but now when I wake, the sun is beginning to fall into the horizon. As soon as I open my eyes, I can tell that it's beginning to fall in the west. Even though it is pitch black in my bedroom, I know sunset is nearly here. I can just sense it.

A warm arm is wrapped around my middle. At my back, I can feel Mason's warm breath on the back of my neck. It's comfortable here. It's calm. This feels almost normal. Like we’re just any other couple sleeping in on a Sunday.

But as he stirs, and I hear his breathing quiet as he tries to evaluate if I am awake or not, I know that there is nothing normal about this.

"How are you feeling?" he asks. His grip on me tightens protectively. He leans forward and presses a kiss to the back of my neck.

"Fine," I answered simply. Because it's the truth. I still was in a little bit of pain last night when we went to bed. But now, everything feels normal. I reach up and touch the stitches on my face, but they're already gone. Sebastian said they would dissolve as my skin healed. Some kind of special vampire stitches he developed.

"I'm dying to know what happened last night," Mason murmurs. He brushes the tip of his nose along the ridge of my neck. "But at the same time, I don't think I can handle knowing how you got to look the way you did when you came home last night."

"That's okay," I say, trying to keep things light and sarcastic, as I always do. "I'm not really excited to relive how it all went down."

"We will double the security at the Tower," Mason continues. "I would never try to tell you what to do, but I think until this man is caught, you need to stay here, Juliet. I'm sure this will all be over in a couple of days."

I nod, but I'm barely listening to what he's saying.

Time is ticking. I'm stalling. And the longer I wait, the more I feel like a part of me is rotting.

I roll over onto my back and Mason shifts, so he's propped up on one elbow looking down at me.

"Mason, we need to talk."

I watch as his face blanches just slightly. Very few times in the history of mankind have those four words led to anything that wasn't heartbreaking.

"You're the very best person I've ever met in my life," I say softly. I feel sick. I want to run. I want to rewind time and give my former self a good scolding. But I have to be a big girl and do the right thing. "And the last few weeks, they've been some of the very best of my life."

"Juliet," Mason whispers. There's dread in his eyes. I see pleading in them.

I shake my head. "But what we are doing isn't good for anyone," I continue before he can talk me out of this. "It's felt good and it's exciting. And I have loved every second of being with you. But we have to put an end to this before either of us gets hurt."

Mason is too quiet. I can see the gears turning behind his eyes, but I can't read what he's thinking right now. I don't want him to feel sad. I don't want him to be upset. Mason Godfrey is a saint. He deserves to feel every single bit of joy this life has to offer.

"You are going to find the perfect woman," I say. Emotion bites the back of my eyes because I want to be that perfect woman. I want to be thetypeof woman who is the perfect woman for him. But I'm not. I'm just not. And I know that I've been fooling myself these last few weeks. I love being with Mason. But I don't really know him. And he will never be able to understand why I am the way I am. "And you are going to love her more than you’ve loved anything in your life. And the two of you are going to be so damn happy. And it's all just going to fall into place. So, we can't keep pretending anymore, Mason."

His eyes fall to the bed and I watch as he swallows once. "I know. It's hard to believe it. I've never felt what I feel for you with anyone, Juliet. But I know…" He shakes his head. And I think I know what he was thinking. He knows that we were not meant for each other. Not under the current circumstances that our lives have led to.

"We might not be able to continue what we've been doing, but Mason…" Now it's my turn to swallow and look away for a moment. "I don't want to lose you as a friend. I know it's a big ask, and maybe it's impossible, and maybe you don't want it. But I hate the thought of losing you as my friend, Mason."

I feel his hand on my jaw and he turns my face to him. Through the dark, I see his intense gaze. I see the sincerity on his face before he even speaks a word. "I willalwaysbe your friend, Juliet. This is going to hurt for a while. I think we both know that. But I swear it, I will always be your friend."

My throat is so tight. I'm barely keeping my emotions contained. So, I consider it an act of strength that I don't do anything more than lean forward, cupping my hand behind his neck, and pull Mason Godfrey's lips to mine one last time.

Under different circumstances, maybe this would have turned out differently. If I hadn't tried to save Elena from that mugging, maybe I would have come back to Chicago, and Mason and I would've had time to develop a real relationship that stood a real chance.

But that's not how things turned out. Maybe fate has other plans.

For one last moment, I let myself feel how good it is to be cared about by someone like him. I kiss him soft and gentle. This kiss is filled with appreciation and pain. It's full of longing and grief.

But also love. Maybe not romantic love, maybe not the kind of love that lasts forever.

But I know that Mason and I will stay friends. This is the kind of love between two friends, friends who will do everything for each other.

Even break up so that the other can live life to the fullest.

"I love you, Mason," I say softly as he leans back just barely.