Page 127 of The Scientist
“I guess I didn’t make myself clear enough.” His voice was unnervingly calm, but his tone was lethal.
She put her hands up. “Wait! Please, I just came to talk to Hadley.”
Everyone turned to stare at me.
Lex glared at her. “You’re done.”
“Please, I’m begging you. I know I fucked up, but just let me talk to Hadley. It will only take five minutes. I swear, after that, I’ll leave. Just… please.”
As I looked at her, practically in tears, I made my decision. I got up and put my hand on Lex’s shoulder. “It’s okay. I’ll talk to her.”
“Hadley…” he said.
“I’m just going to hear her out,” I told him. “After that, you can make your decision.”
He looked into my eyes for a few moments, searching. For what, I didn’t know. I guess whatever he found was enough to convince him that I was okay because he finally nodded at me.
I followed her out to a quieter area near the lake, where there wasn’t as much foot traffic.Once we stopped, I looked at her expectantly, waiting for whatever it was she had to say.She seemed to be struggling for words as she glanced over at me a few times, kicking the ground with the toe of her boot.
“I don’t know where to start…” she said.
“Let’s start with the fact that you took your clothes off and laid on top of my boyfriend naked, knowing he was knocked out on sleeping pills.”
She at least had the decency to appear mortified. “I know,” she said, her eyes downcast. “I know what I did was beyond fucked up.”
“Then why did you do it?” I demanded.
“I don’t know!” she shouted as tears started pouring down her face. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m not this person. I’m not a cruel, heartless bitch, despite what Stuart has told you. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but it’s like I couldn’t contain this overwhelming hatred I felt for you.”
I was taken aback by her admission, but I didn’t say anything as she continued, “I know you did nothing to deserve it. I just felt like you were taking everything away from me.” She sighed heavily, looking out toward the lake. “I didn’t have the easiest childhood. I never felt like I fit in anywhere, but then I found this job, and well… It was the first place I ever really felt accepted. I love my job. I just happened to have the shitty fucking luck of falling in love with my boss too,” she said before meeting my eyes again.
“I loved him, Hadley. I was so fucking in love with him. But when I told him, he said he didn’t feel the same way and broke things off with me. I was devastated. I thought about quitting then and there. But I went back. And things were okay, for the most part. Mostly because he was so obsessed with his work. It made me feel better that he was never interested in dating anyone. He ate, drank, and slept neuroscience. It seemed to be his only passion in life… until he met you.”
She smiled, but it didn’t touch her eyes. “I knew something was different right away. I could see it. We all could. And it was like every insecurity I’d ever had was being shoved right in frontof my face.”Her eyes lowered. “He’s never looked at me the way he looks at you. It was clear from the start just how taken he was by you, and I couldn’t see past my own pathetic jealousy.”
She frowned, shaking her head. “But that doesn’t excuse what I did, and I came here to tell you how truly sorry I am. What I did was… it was disgusting. I haven’t been able to live with myself. I understand if he wants to fire me. In fact, he told me the only reason he hasn’t is because you didn’t want him to.”
“I don’t,” I told her honestly.
She nodded. “You’re a good person, Hadley. Even I can see that. This whole thing has been a wake-up call for me. I’m getting in therapy to try to work through some shit. I just hope one day you can forgive me.”
I looked at this woman baring her soul to me, and it was like I was seeing the person I always knew was there. Underneath all of Nicky’s cattiness was just an unhappy person who was hurting badly.
“You crossed a very big line, Nicky,” I said. “I appreciate you coming and telling me all of this, but I’m not the person you need to make things right with.”
“He won’t talk to me. I’ve tried.” Her tone was desperate. “I know I have no right to ask you for anything, but could you just see if he’d be willing to hear me out? I promise I’ll leave as soon as I’m done.”
“Sure,” I agreed. “I’ll ask. But don’t be surprised if he refuses.”
“He won’t refuse if you’re the one asking,” she said with the ghost of a smile on her lips. “He won’t refuse you anything.”
I didn’t think that was completely true, but I would try anyway. I started to leave, but I realized there was something else I needed to say. I turned and looked her squarely in the eye. “I told him you made a mistake and you didn’t deserve to lose everything over it because I really do believe that everyonedeserves a second chance. If he gives it to you, don’t fuck it up this time.”
“I won’t,” she said solemnly.
I nodded. “One last thing.” I took a step toward her. “He’s not yours anymore, Nicky… Are we clear?”
Her lips thinned as she gave a sharp nod. I shot her one last warning glance before walking away.