Page 132 of The Scientist
I could hear someone calling for him in the background. “You’ve got to go.”
“I’ll see you tonight?” he asked.
“Yes,” I told him, even though it was a given. There were very few nights we ever spent apart anymore.
I drove back to my house, feeling like I could float away with happiness. I tidied up around my house, but with nothing left to do, I started searching for the podcast Lex was on. I probably wouldn’t understand a word of it, but I wanted to hear his voice anyway.
The show broadcasted live, so I got to hear him speaking as soon as I found it. He was talking about the project they were working on at Stanford, and how close they were to being able to go to the trial phase of their device. He dumbed it down, so even someone like me could understand what their project was about, but he eventually got to the more complicated processes, and I was left to just enjoy the sound of his voice. When they finally wrapped up the science discussion, the hosts started to ask him a few personal questions about his childhood and his family, but he only gave vague details.
The female host pushed a little harder. “Well, when we announced that you were coming on the show, a lot of our female listeners wanted us to inquire about your relationship status.” She giggled after saying it, making me want to reach through the phone and strangle her. “So can you tell us if you’re seeing anyone?”
“I am,” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice.
“What a shame,” she said wistfully. “I know we’ll have a lot of disappointed fans.”
I really did not like this woman.
“So go on,” she encouraged. “Tell us about the lucky lady who’s won your heart.”
“She’s incredible.” He still sounded like he was smiling. “She’s a professor in the music department at Stanford, but she’s also a composer and really beautiful singer. She’s really just the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I’m incredibly lucky.”
“Wow, sounds like Dr. Alexsander Strovinski is in love,” she commented.
“I am,” he confirmed.
I stopped breathing completely. Did he really just say that he was in love with me? I knew I was in love with him, but I never expected any kind of declaration from him this early in our relationship, especially not one that was being broadcast to thousands of people.
My heart began hammering in my chest. A part of me was thrilled to hear him say it, but the other part was disappointed that I was hearing it for the first time over my phone with that annoying woman’s giggle coming through the speaker. I shut off the podcast, my mind reeling.
I set my phone on the counter and took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts. I stared at my phone for a moment, the silence in the room feeling heavier now that the podcast was off. My heart was still pounding, a mix of emotions swirling inside me—excitement, disbelief, and just a little frustration.
The rest of the day passed in a haze. I drifted from task to task, barely aware of what I was doing. I found myself staring out the window at nothing, replaying the moment over and over. Part of me felt giddy, wanting to relive the way he talked about me—the pride, the affection, the admiration. But another part of mecouldn’t stop feeling a twinge of disappointment that this wasn’t how I imagined hearing those words for the first time.
When he got home later that evening, we didn't have much time to talk, because we headed straight to my mom’s to have dinner with her and Carl. It probably wasn’t the best idea to have multiple people in her home, but she insisted that we come over to celebrate. We took extra precautions to make sure we didn’t give her anything.
The mood was light as we popped champagne, laughing together and making plans to go to Greece next year, but in the back of my mind was the constant replaying of Lex saying he loved me.
My mom pulled Lex aside toward the end of the night, and I knew she was telling him how grateful she was again for everything he’d done. I gave them some space, knowing I would start bawling if I overheard them talking about it.
As we drove home together in mellow silence, the memory of what Lex had said on the podcast seemed to be all I could think about. I couldn’t help but be a little bothered by the way it went down. It felt like a moment that was supposed to be just for us was taken from me, and I wanted it back. More than anything, I wanted to hear him say those words to me and only me.
When we got back to the house, I was so preoccupied, overthinking everything, that I barely registered Lex standing by the door watching me. I was taking off my makeup in the bathroom when he walked up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“What is it?” he asked quietly.
“Nothing,” I said a little too quickly to be believable.
He turned me around so he could look me in the eyes.
“You’ve been distant with me all night.” He brushed the hair from my face. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s nothing,” I said, but he held me in place, waiting for me to answer. I let out a sigh. “It’s just something you said on the podcast.”
He looked genuinely surprised by that answer. “The podcast?” His head tilted. “What did I say?”
I couldn’t look him in the eye as I said in a quiet voice, “You said you loved me.”
He froze. His expression was unreadable. “I see,” he said. “And it bothers you that I feel that way?”