Page 140 of The Scientist
“Of course not, but you have to consider what it would mean if you don’t accept this offer—It would mean delaying your life’s work, your ambitions, everything you and your team have worked so hard for all these years,” I said, my voice steady but filled with quiet urgency. “And I can’t be the reason you turn your back on all of it.”
I watched him, waiting for him to understand, the silence hanging heavy between us. His eyes worked over my face. “And if I say I won’t go? What happens then?”
“You have to,” I said, trying to make him understand there wasn’t another way. “I can't let you stay here, only to have you look back in five years and resent me for standing in the way of all the amazing things I know you're destined to achieve.”
Lex straightened, his features hardening. “It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind.”
I placed my hands on his chest. “I’m just trying to make you see that what you and your team are doing is bigger than the two of us.”
His hands remained at his sides as he peered down at me. “Is that the only reason you want me to go?”
My brow creased. “What else would there be?”
“You haven’t been thinking about going back to New York?”
“What?” My cheeks burned from the accusation. “Why would you say that?”
“I saw the paperwork. I know you renewed the lease on your apartment in New York.”
My pulse quickened. “It’s not what you think,” I rushed to explain. “I’ve been subleasing the apartment to a friend.”
He didn’t say anything, but I could see the thoughts racing through his mind, the doubt plainly on his features.
“I’m not leaving. I renewed my contract with Stanford last week. I’m all in this with you,” I said emphatically. “You have to believe me.”
Lex's expression softened, but only slightly, as he stepped back, running a hand over his face. His anger had simmered, but there was still a shadow in his eyes. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”
“What does that mean?”
“I just need some time to think,” he said, fisting his hand in his hair. “You’ve obviously had time to think about all of this, and I need to do the same.”
He grabbed his coat off the chair and started making his way towards the door.
“You’re leaving?” I asked, my voice breaking.
He nodded. “I have to,” he said as I followed behind him. “You’ve asked me to think about this pragmatically, but I can’t do that when it comes to you... I never could. But especially not with you right in front of me, making everything else seem insignificant.”
I choked back the tears. “But you’ll come back tonight?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered. “I just need some time... Is that okay?”
I nodded, a lump forming in my throat. “Just… try not to take too long.”
He leaned in, his lips brushing softly against my forehead, a moment of warmth that lingered just long enough to feel like forever, but before I could blink, he was gone.
Chapter 34
“So put your first finger at the fifth fret of the second string and your middle finger directly underneath it. That will leave an anchor finger between the G and E minor,” I said to Jace as we sat on the floor of my living room.
It was Tuesday night, so even though I was in a shitty mood, I still honored the commitment I’d made to give him weekly guitar lessons. I chose E and A minor to go over this week because those chords matched the sullen emotional state I currently found myself in.
“Like this?” He positioned his hand and gave his guitar a strum.
“Yes, good,” I said. “But keep your fingers at more of an angle to the frets, especially when you have to change to the C chord. It will be a more comfortable grip for you.”
He did exactly as I said. “Perfect,” I told him.
Jace was a natural. He picked up on the chords so effortlessly. I never had to give him the same instruction twice, which always made the lessons so easy and enjoyable.Iwas the killjoy on this particular evening.