Page 31 of The Scientist
Lex coughed and shifted around in his seat while Stuart grinned like the cat that ate the canary.
“What? What am I missing?”
Stuart cocked his head. “Well, I hate to make Lex’s ego any bigger since you already have stars in your eyes, but he actually speaks five languages.”
“What?” I asked deadpan, looking at him in the rearview mirror.
“I told you my father was Polish. I used to spend summers with my grandparents. I picked it up from them.”
This guy was just full of surprises.
“And the fifthlanguage?”
“Japanese,” he answered. “Our team worked on a project there a few years ago.”
“Yeah, we lived there for about a year and all I can remember how to say is ‘pass the sashimi,’” Stuart said. “Meanwhile, Lex learned to speak fluently within a few months.”
“Now I’m just freaked out. Who speaks five languages?” I asked, disgruntled. “Seems to me like you have something to hide, Strovinski. Are you actually a Russian spy sent here to learn government secrets?”
“Actually, now that you mention it, I have heard him say a lot of anti-American things,” Stuart said.
I gasped. “Like what?”
“Just the other day, he said he hates watching football.”
“NO!” I cried out in mock outrage.
“YES! And I’ve never once seen him eat a hotdog.”
“Well, there you go,” I said. “That proves it, Lex... if that’s even your real name! We’re turning you in.”
Lex rolled his eyes. “Knowing five languages does not make me a spy.”
“Exactly the kind of thing a spy would say, don’t you think, Stuart?”
“A regular Stierlitz if you ask me,” Stuart agreed.
“Are you two done? I’m not a spy,” Lex said, exasperated.
I narrowed my eyes at him in the rearview mirror. “Prove it! Eat a hot dog and we might believe you.”
He made a face of disgust. “I’d rather take my chances getting turned into the government.”
I spotted the sign for the restaurant and pulled in while the guys continued to argue.
“I’ve never seen you eat a hot dog either,” Lex accused as we got out of the car.
“That’s because I’m Jewish.”
“I saw you down three shrimp tacos last Friday.”
“Shhhh! My mother can hear you.” Stuart whipped his head around, scanning the parking lot. “Way to go, Lex! I just got off the prayer list at my mom’s temple and now you’re going to get me put back on.”
“Your mother lives in Sacramento,” Lex pointed out.
“There’s a secret Jewish mother’s network that they’re all tapped into. They hear everything, especially when their sons aren’t keeping kosher.”
“Alright, let’s go eat.” I grabbed both their arms, pulling them toward the restaurant. “Lex, we won’t make you eat a hotdog, and Stuart we’ll say a little prayer that no one in the Jewish community overheard.”