Page 38 of The Midnight Arrow
“When did it start to go bad?”
“A few months in,” I replied, swallowing, wrapping my hand around the hot cup. “Everyone knew about Veras Lain. His illegal dealings with off-planet merchants for Allavari weapons.”
“Among other things,” Lorik commented, raising a brow.
“Exactly,” I said quietly. “Every time I tried to warn her or…” I sighed. “It only pushed her further away. We had a big fight about him a few months into their courtship, and she didn’t speak to me for almost four months. And when we finally reconciled…we were both so relieved, I think, to be back in one another’s lives that we played pretend. We didn’t speak about Veras, but she always went home to him. She always turned a blind eye to what he did. She gave up her art. Her entire life became him. And for the most part, I think she was happy with him. He made her happy, but…it cost her a lot. Too much.”
“Her life,” Lorik said gently, reaching across the table to take my hand. My heart gave a little throb at the gesture, and I threaded my fingers with his.
“Yes,” I whispered. “It happened so suddenly. Veras was meeting with a group of mercenaries from Jetutia. The negotiations turned bad apparently. They got angry. And Aysia…Aysia was there at the wrong time. They took her, ransomed her. Veras gave them the weapons they wanted…and they still killed her to punish him.”
“Fuck,” Lorik rasped, and my vision went blurry with that word. The days she’d been missing…they’d been absolute hell. “Marion, I’m sorry.”
I took a sip of my bitter tea, steeped a little too long, but I found the bite just distracting enough.
“It was nearly ten years ago now, and some days, it feels like it just happened,” I admitted. “And I was numb for a really long time. Then I was angry. And now…I don’t knowwhatI am anymore.”
Lorik’s gaze softened. “You’re breaking my heart, little witch.”
“But Veras might be right. I told you earlier. I just can’t…I can’t do this anymore. This isn’t the life I want.”
“Being alone?” he asked.
A small, sad smile curled my lips. “Yes, that, but I feel like I’m just waiting for something. Or just wasting time. I can never be sure which. Do you ever feel that way?”
“I think everyone has felt that way at one point in their life,” he said.
“When did you?” I challenged.
He blew out a sharp breath, leaning forward in his chair even as his thumb stroked the back of my hand.
“Maybe right now,” he answered. “Can I speak freely without you asking too many questions?”
It was better than nothing, I decided. And I thought he figured I was smart enough to know that he was being secretive about something he couldn’t say.
I nodded.
“I feel like I’m at a crossroads, being pulled in two different directions, by two entirely different places. I was raised with a purpose. There is a comfort in that. A familiarity. But I am also curious. About many things. Places, people, history. In choosing one, I cannot have the other. In choosing the other…I fear it will cost me more than I’m willing to pay. I don’t want to turn my back on my duty, to my family, to mypeople.”
Lorik squeezed my hand, giving me a slight smile.
“I think we are in similar positions, Marion,” he told me. “Don’t you think?”
“Yes, just without the legacy aspect, I suppose,” I murmured, noticing that he was trying to lighten the mood. It had settled too deep, and after the weight of the day, it was beginning to feel too heavy.
“We should figure it out together.”
My breath nearly whooshed out of my lungs at the pronouncement.
“I’m being serious,” he said, eyeing me, that smile having never left. “Are we in agreement?”
“I’ve always heard you shouldn’t make bargains with an Allavari. Because you’ll likely lose more than you think,” I said, if only to buy time.
His teeth flashed, the tips of his fangs poking into his bottom lip, making me remember the wound between my thighs where he’d bitten me as I’d orgasmed.
“Good thing I’m part Kylorr and the berserker in me would keep to its honor,” he replied, as quick as ever.
I laughed. It felt good, like a release…when I’d already had a couple tonight, I remembered with heated cheeks. Lorik looked at me over the rim of his cup as he sipped on his tea.