Page 116 of Game on, Love

“Raina,” Oliver ran his hand down my arm, his voice still low as a whisper. “Areyouokay?”

Taking a deep breath, I nodded. “I am. I know it sounds… wrong.”

He shook his head. “Everyone takes things differently. You don’t have to react to everything like he did.”

I nodded. A part of me felt like I was getting dizzier by the second, but there was a tiny part of me that felt like it could finally breathe.

Stepping into my room, I spotted Dev sitting on the foot of my bed; his arms were hunched over his knees as he stared at the ground.

Feeling my stare, he looked up at me with an expression that made me frown. “How much did you know?”

I sucked in a breath as a sharp shiver went down my spine at his cold tone. “I didn’tknowanything. I was eleven. I just remembered that one thing she’d said to me that I told Ma, but I was never sure.”

“But you said—”

I shook my head. “It was after that. After I had gone to therapy, I couldn’t find a good enough reason to justify why he would leave me there, even though I loved being there with Ma, but after everything,” I exhaled a breath. “I wanted to know why and it took me a while to piece my memories back together. I just said that to him to tell us the truth. I wanted to know if that was it… and it was.”

“That was a stupid gamble.”

“I had absolutely nothing to lose.”

It was true. I had years to accept the fact that my father didn’t want me. I had years to decide if I wanted it to be the reason I was held back or move on, and sure when he said those words to my face, I felt the hurt spread over me.

Just because a wound heals doesn’t mean that if you try to prick the dead skin or stab in the same place, it won’t hurt allover again. But him sharing the rest of it didn’t feel like it had the power to hurt me. I felt numb about it, but in many ways, it also felt like I was finally getting closure.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “How did you know about Ishaan?”

That made me pause. “Ishaan?”

“That’s his name… you didn’t know?”

I shook my head, my heart racing as I dropped beside him. I opened my mouth before closing it shut. What do you say to that?

Instead, I asked the thing that had been bugging me since I gave myself a moment to think. “You said you didn’t want a repeat of our parents’ marriage… what did you mean by that?”

“It was in one of her journals just after they’d moved here. She’d written about how their marriage was set by Nanu.”

I nodded. It wasn’t uncommon, Arranged marriages were a tradition as old as time, but I couldn’t imagine Nanu forcing her to marry someone else. But then again, today told me he was a different man to me than what he was to others. “Do you think she regretted it?”

He paused like he was trying to rake his brain. “She never expressed it in her writing… but I don’t think she was very honest in her journals. Even if a part of her wrote them only for herself.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Pa—” Dev faltered at his own words and cleared his throat. “Dad implied that she knew he was having his affair, but she never mentioned it once in her journals.”

I frowned. “Why did she move us both back home then?”

“She wrote about how she was unhappy in her marriage and that being sick made her want to be with her parents, but she couldn’t imagine leaving you behind with just him.” He sighed, looking at me. “But after what Dad told us, I imagine she must’veknown he wouldn’t have been able to care for you the way she wanted to, especially considering you would’ve been home alone quite a bit with him. Rihaan and I were already in boarding school by then, so we were only ever home for summer, and Axel’s parents were already taking Vedant with them when they were travelling for their championships because of her health, and even when he wasn’t travelling, he was still spending the majority of his time at Axel’s place. Taking you with her just meant that she could still keep you but also protect you.”

I stared at the ground, my brain racing to keep up with his words, but I replied with the only think I could think of. “I don’t think I want her journals anymore. At least not right now.”

He nodded, and I released a breath.

Noticing that he was still looking at me; I raised my brows. “What?”

“I need you to keep all of this to yourself.”

“Pleasebe kidding.”