Page 312 of 5+Us Makes Seven
I would talk to her before the weekend was over. In the meantime, I prepared myself mentally for visiting with my father. There was no telling what mood he would be in.
Over the years, he had sacrificed so much to give me a chance to attend a decent university. My school loans were still not paid off, but I’d been sidetracked after losing my job as a freelance journalist.
The editing gig paid reasonably well, about double the national poverty rate. It wasn’t much, but it paid the bills and kept me in my general field of writing. Yet there I sat, eating toast and jam every morning instead of having brunch out with someone I loved. Fuck my life.
* * *
I found myself sitting across from my father at his round kitchen table. The leaf for the middle hadn’t been used in years. He stared at me with his disapproving eyes, never satisfied with me.
“Go on,” he said.
“That’s it. I can’t decide between two men. It’s an obvious choice, really. I don’t know why I’m telling you.”
“Well, I have my mother hat on, but let me take that off a moment.”
“Please don’t, Dad. How’s work going?”
“Fine. I’ll be traveling again soon.”
“I still don’t see how being a traveling salesman is your dream job.”
“You’ve got a lot to learn about life, young lady.”
“I’ve been places in the world, Dad. I’m not a little kid anymore.”
“Thank God for that,” he said.
I smiled, cherishing the good moments.
“Now, let’s talk about these men. They are men, right? Not boys again? Who are they?”
“I told you about Cooper and Max, Dad. Remember when I got back from Afghanistan?”
“Yeah, that’s when your career went to shit and started to work for those smut publishers!”
“They publish romance novels, Dad. It’s not even like that.”
He shook his head.
“If your mother was around…”
Both of us fell silent a few moments. I took another drink of his fresh squeezed lemonade. The bittersweet taste reminded me of childhood, back when my dreams seemed possible and nothing was capable of standing in my way.
“You haven’t even met either of them yet, but Cooper is the one for me.”
“Max sounded like a man who would keep you safe.”
“Love is about more than that, Dad.”
“If your mother were here, she would tell you that’s not true.”
A wave of sadness washed over me as I saw my father’s pain wash over his face. I put my hand on his arm. He pulled it away.
“You can’t keep using her death to beat yourself up, Dad. It’s not healthy.”
“She died because of me. I’m going to carry that the rest of my life.”
“It’s not like you were trained to be able to save her,” I said.