Page 94 of First Comes Love

“Shall we get started?”

My senses are heightened, on high-alert. I’m not sure if this is right or wrong or somewhere in between. The only thing I do know is that there’s this fierce arousal threatening to overtake me if I don’t get him between my legs soon.

Do you ever think you’ll just explode from the feeling?

I’ll do anything to be his—even this.

I had highly underestimated Paul. I figured he was just your average tall, smoking hot hunk…but this? Looking at the closet, I shudder to think what might happen to me under his control, but I invite the feeling willingly.

I don’t know what he’s planning, and I don’t know how I’ll feel later, but the thing is: I inexplicably trust him, like I’ve never trusted anyone before.

Weird, right?

In this moment, it feels like he’s always existed in my heart somewhere.

And in this moment, I can choose—to run away and to never see him again, or to give into the passion and desire and to let him do what he wants with my body, mind, and soul.

I bravely choose the latter.

I choose to confront this raging fire that burns so bright for him.

I’ll walk through the flames and become a fucking phoenix, free at last.

; He’s my undoing and my rebirth all at the same time.

I close my eyes and wait for it to begin.

Alexis and WineBar #9

It was the most amazing of times.

But scary at the same time.

WineBar had two bars in Miami. He traveled there every other week.

When he was in town, he fucked me like it was the first time he met me.

But when he was gone, I tried to find ways to distract myself.

I went to the spa. I spent time with my parents. I babysat for my aunt.

But there was a hole in my heart.

And no amount of FaceTime was able to fill it.

It got worse the closer we got.

He missed my friends’ birthdays where we were invited as a couple.

He missed my book launch parties.

He missed the time Victoria’s Secret had a Memorial Day sale.

So I sat him down when he was in town.

I told him I couldn’t do this long distance thing if he didn’t find a place to settle down. But he couldn’t phone in a relationship from Miami.