Page 74 of Perfect Guy
“I can’t lose him…” I grab her back and let it all out. All the pain washes over me again as it did last night. Tidal waves of emotions I can’t control. They drag me deep into the abyss, making it hard to breathe.
“I know. God willing, you won’t.” She leans back and holds my cheeks, wiping my tears. It’s useless, more fall. She kisses my forehead and hugs me again.
“My little girl…” Her hand soothes up and down my back.
“I’m scared, Mom. I found this amazing guy, and I can lose it all. If he…” I don’t dare speak my thoughts. “I don’t think I’ll survive.”
“Don’t put your thoughts on that. Celebrate that he’s alive. Step by step. We’ll celebrate the small milestones, focusing on the good and praying.”
“I don’t know if I can.” My words are watery and desperate.
“You can. You’re so strong. Have been since you were a little girl. This won’t break you.”
I don’t feel strong right now. I feel weak and exhausted. I feel lost, blind. My heart is shattered as fear consumes me.
“Step by step,” she repeats when I remain silent. “First step, knowing he’s alive. Then, we’ll see what his injuries are.” She looks at me again.
“I’m going as soon as the sun rises completely.”
She nods in silence, knowing that when I make up my mind, I don’t steer from that idea.
“I’ll make you breakfast. You can’t go on an empty stomach.”
“I’ll have toast.”
She gives me a side-eye and shakes her head. “You’ll eat a proper meal. Once you’re at the hospital, you won’t eat more. I refuse for you not to take care of yourself.”
I follow her down the stairs and into the kitchen. I fix us both coffee while she pulls out ingredients from the fridge. A knock on the back door near the kitchen startles us.
“Hey,” Wilder steps in quietly. “Wasn’t sure if you were awake.”
“Come in. We’re preparing breakfast,” my mom says.
Hallie steps in behind Wilder. Her eyes are swollen, and she looks like she slept about as much as I did. She hugs me tightly, telling me what she heard from Joy, which is the same as I did.
“We’re going later in the morning if you want to ride with us,” Wilder offers.
“I’m going as soon as I finish breakfast,” I shake my head.
“Come with us. You shouldn’t be driving.” He stares at me, stubbornness lining his features.
“We’ll go when you want,” Hallie whispers.
“Fine.” I sit at the counter, sipping my coffee.
Levi, Camille, and Oliver arrive shortly after, smiling sadly and checking on me as if I’ll break at any moment. I feel that way, so maybe they can read my emotions.
The next hour passes in a blur. I’m not fully present; the conversations happening around me are background noise. My mind’s somewhere else, with Canaan possibly.
I wish telepathy existed so I could speak to him from a distance. I’d tell him I need him to fight for his life, for us. I’d tell him I love him. I fell in love with him in between those terrible jokes that make me laugh and his smile and heart.
If he were listening, I’d promise to stay by his side no matter what. Through the good and bad, I’m all in. I can’t imagine my future without him. I’ve never felt the way I do when he holds me. No other man has made me feel cherished and loved the way he does.
“Madelyn?” Wilder’s looking at me with furrowed brows.
“Huh?” I snap out of my thoughts, annoyed he interrupted my telepathic conversation with Canaan—if he was even able to feel me, which I doubt.
“Are you ready to go?”