Page 78 of Perfect Guy
I spend the morning in the hospital. When Canaan falls asleep, I get ready to leave, kissing his cheek. I hate this moment where I have to separate from him, knowing I won’t talk to him again until the next day. I miss receiving messages from him and hearing his voice through the phone. I miss the jokes he’d send.
I’m tired, but I need to be strong for him—emotionally and physically. I love him, so I won’t give up, but the uncertainty of everything is taking a toll on me. When I feel this way, I remind myself it’s nothing compared to what Canaan is going through.
When I get home, my mom’s sitting in the living room. I drop down beside her, throwing my head back on the sofa.
“How is he?”
I roll my head to look at her. “He’s okay. He’s getting better, may get discharged tomorrow, but he’s not completely healed yet.”
“It will take time.” My mom reaches for my hand. “How are you?”
“I feel helpless. Sometimes I feel like he’s not happy to see me. I keep showing up, proving to him I’m staying by his side, through the good and bad, but… I don’t know.” I shake my head, my resolve dissipating as tears fill my eyes.
“Give him time. He’s gone through a life-altering experience. You don’t bounce back from that as if nothing happened. I’m sure his emotions are all over the place, and he’s concerned about long-term effects.”
“I know that. If only he’d talk to me…” I sniff and swipe my cheek.
“Oh, sweetie.” My mom pulls me in for a hug, holding me tightly. It’s comforting, but it’s not who I want a hug from. I want Canaan to trust me, to talk to me like he used to.
“I don’t know what to do,” I confess.
“You’re doing a great job of supporting him. Don’t doubt yourself. It may not seem like it, but I’m sure Canaan feels how much you care about him.” I want to believe everything she says, but I’m having a hard time doing so.
Taking a deep breath, I pull away and wipe my face with the neck of my shirt.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Don’t thank me. I worry about you. I want to be sure you’re also taking care of yourself. It’s easy to get lost in someone else’s recovery and forget about our own well-being.” She looks at me with concern.
“I am, promise.”
Canaan has been my priority this past week. I may not be taking care of myself as much as I should, but that doesn’t matter right now. I won’t give up on him. That’s one thing I’m sure about.