Page 91 of Perfect Guy
Madelyn
Myheadpoundsas I sit up in bed. I rub my temples, willing the pain to ease. It’s been like this for a week and a half. Not having Canaan in my life has been…an adjustment. I guess every breakup is.
My heart is broken, and my mom guarantees it will get better, but I’m not too sure. I saw a future with Canaan. Knowing that he didn’t—or couldn’t—see one after what happened hurts. How does he not know I’m here for him?
He was clear, though, through his actions and words. He didn’t want me around, and after trying with no success to be there for him, I had to give him what he obviously wanted.
No matter how much it hurts.
Once I feel steady, I go into the bathroom and then to the kitchen. I need to take something for this headache.
“Good morning,” my mom smiles at me from the kitchen table.
“Hi.” I force a smile, but my lips refuse to turn up. I search the cabinets for ibuprofen and fill a glass with water.
“Do you have a headache again?” My mom furrows her eyebrows.
“Yeah.” I shrug, taking the pill.
“You should eat something before.” She gives me a pointed look.
After swallowing the pill, I look at her again. “Going to do that now.”
I grab a slice of bread from the fridge and slide it into the toaster. While it toasts, I grab the peanut butter and a knife, setting them on the counter. After I prepare my toast, I sit at the table with my mom and hope she doesn’t bring up Canaan.
“Are you working on that new project today?” She takes a sip of coffee while she waits for my answer.
Coffee. I can’t believe I forgot to prepare some for myself. I stand as I respond.
“Yeah. It’s a smaller house than the first one, so I should be able to have the plans in a few weeks after they approve which design they want. I’m showing them the sketches on Thursday.”
The clients loved what I did with the first one, and when Bill showed them portfolios of the two architects he works with, they chose mine. I was ecstatic, ready to call Canaan and share the news with him. Until I realized I couldn’t. Not really.
“Wonderful. This is a great opportunity. I think working with this company as a freelancer is a great option.” My mom squeezes my hand.
Nodding, I take a deep breath and force a smile. I hate that I’m still working for them when Canaan was the one who recommended me. Now he’s at home, unsure of when his life will go back to normal. I want to be there to help him. I don’t understand his sudden change.
Maybe it wasn’t so sudden. It was a couple of weeks leading up to it. His distance, his dryness… They were all there, but I pushed through, knowing it was part of his healing. A girl can only take so many hints. When he told me to leave, verbalizing what we both knew he was doing with his actions, I couldn’t stay.
Joy has been updating me. She sent me a message yesterday with an update from his doctor’s appointment, letting me know that things are better. I was overjoyed for him. All I want is for Canaan to be healed, whether he wants me in his life or not. Love without conditions doesn’t leave room for ill thoughts toward the person.
I need to stop thinking about him.
”Is Wilder here already?” I slept later than usual. Wilder arrives at the ranch at about six in the morning, and it’s already eight. He should be here, so I don’t know why I ask. To make conversation and stop thinking about Canaan.
“Yes, Levi and Caleb as well. They were moving the cattle over to another pasture and checking the fence line. They’ll be in for breakfast soon.”
“I’m going to skip breakfast and get to work. This will hold me over for a bit.” I lift the toast I’m almost done with.
“That’s not enough food,” my mom argues.
“I’ll grab more coffee and some fruit when I take a break.” I have tried to avoid any family meals for the past week and a half. My brothers look at me with pity, my father doesn’t mention my relationship with Canaan—thank God—and Caleb smiles at me sympathetically. Maybe he knows what having a broken heart feels like. I’ve never seen him date anyone, so who knows.
I stand, kissing my mom’s cheek, and head up to my room where my sketches are. I have three to finalize before showing them to Bill. He will help in providing an estimate for each since he handles the actual construction.
When I saw the plot of land the clients bought, I wanted to design something special that would make the view stand out. A wall of floor-to-ceiling windows that open like an accordion to merge the inside and outside is my favorite feature, but in case the owner doesn’t want that feature, I created two sketches without it and other options that will still highlight the mountain view.
I spend the next few hours looking at my sketches, fine-tuning details, and making them perfect. Working on this clears my mind. My focus is solely on what I’m doing, leaving no room for any other thoughts to sneak in. It’s peaceful.