Page 62 of Save You
“Actually, Beth is…no longer with us,” I mutter quietly, not really sure of why I’m telling them this. The last thing I want to do is deal with Kyle and his form of verbal diarrhea over this piece of news. Slowly, they both look up at me in perfect unison with confusion written all over their faces. “She died during childbirth.”
“Shit!” Kyle murmurs just as Kelly throws her hands over her mouth in shock. “Look, I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean to…God, I’m sorry!”
I shrug it off awkwardly, but they both offer me hugs, and I think Kelly actually starts to cry. It’s weird, but I guess it’s the natural reaction of people over these sorts of things.
“If you need anything, and I mean anything, you call me. Christ, Xander, that is…I mean…” Kyle blows air out through his lips like a horse, shaking his head over the thought of it all. I smile tightly before mumbling some sort of thanks to his offer. The moment turns emotional, and I know that’s our cue to go, so I wave goodbye and head toward the beach, away from people and their sad stares.
The walk along the coastal path and off the beaten track, where I’ll find Bodhi’s beach hut house and a roaring bonfire, blows my cobwebs away. It gives me the opportunity to think about what the hell I’m going to do to try and move on, if only for Rosie’s sake. Before I’ve even realized it, I’m staring at the place I had first laid eyes on Oliver Lawrence and his ridiculous goons; where I had seen Mal draining of color when his daughter told him exactly what she thought of him; where I had seen Beth letting herself go to the beat of the music with her guardian.
I’ve not set eyes on Bodhi since we left for the cabin, before I knew Beth was pregnant, and when the little girl still lying asleep in this pram was no bigger than a peanut. I guess we’ve been ignoring one another, not wanting to remind each other of who we’ve lost. It also feels a lot like another acceptance of her being gone for good.
The beach is eerily quiet today, the weather a little stormy, which means there’s a small crowd of surfers sitting out on the water, all looking for the perfect wave. Bodhi would usually be in the middle of them, baring his tackle as he showed off his skills butt naked, and with plenty of hollering as he reveled in his most favorite place on Earth. However, today I can see him out of the water, sitting just outside of the surf, with his wetsuit halfway up his body, leaning onto his elbows which are resting lazily over his knees. He looks out to his fellow surfers, seemingly watching them ride the water, but with his eyes screwed up toward the light. Every now and then, I see his shoulders rise and fall in exaggerated movements, as though his whole body is sighing with melancholy. A gust of wind blows over his face and he shuts his eyes to it, looking like he’s desperately trying to find some peace to his troubled thoughts.
I watch him for another few minutes before I shove Rosie’s bag of crap over my shoulder, and gently pick her up in my arms to walk across the sand. I cuddle her close to my body, trying to shield her from the wind, but it’s still strong enough to make her eyes peep open. She takes in this new experience with a small frown on her face. I predict having a total of three minutes before she opens that perfect little mouth of hers to scream for food.
For now, she remains the epitome of peace, enjoying the bumpy journey over the sand to where Bodhi is still sitting. He’s bone dry, which tells me he might not yet have been in the water at all.
“I knew you’d come eventually, darling,” he smiles with his eyes remaining firmly closed. I laugh softly and decide to play along.
“How did you know it was me, baby?” I ask with theatrical affection in my voice. He chuckles over my roleplaying before composing himself so he can keep it going, battling me for the best improvisation award.
“I could smell you, like honey and freshly cut grass on a warm summer’s day,” he coos before we both laugh out loud, and he finally opens his eyes to look up at me. However, as soon as his eyes fall upon Rosie, his expression turns from jovial to shocked.
“Too far, dude, bringing offspring with you! I give in, you win!”
He laughs again and holds up his hands defensively, just before he jumps up and slaps my back in a friendly gesture. I would hug him, but I do have precious cargo in my arms, so have to make do. I’m secretly glad he’s not angry with me over Beth.
He eventually stands back to take a peek at Rosie’s little face, which is gearing itself up to explode in a fit of fury over not being fed immediately after waking up.
“You mind holding Rosie? I gotta get a bottle ready before she starts to rage!”
“Really?” he gasps in genuine surprise over my asking him to have her. I nod, knowing that I can trust this guy with my life, and practically shove her onto his naked chest. She looks even smaller against his massive frame, and the way he tries to juggle her tiny limbs is almost enough to have me laughing again.
After enjoying a few moments of the spectacle before me, I quickly pour her milk into a bottle and hand it to Bodhi to feed her. He grins happily with emotion as she begins suckling at the teat with desperation. We say nothing because I can tell he’s taking this all in with awe, enjoying watching the little human take from him what he’s offering. After a while, his smile fades a little, and he starts to study her face, no doubt recognizing the same features that he would have seen in Beth.
“So…” he breathes out heavily, almost with relief, when I take her from his arms and rub her back to release the excess air from her greedy suckling.
“So…” I repeat, not quite knowing what to say, nor knowing where to start.
“Your sister’s been up here, making arrangements for Beth’s memorial,” he says as he faces the water again. “I can’t even believe I’m saying those words. It’s not right Xander, it’s not right!” I can only nod at him, unable to comment on it because he’s not saying anything I haven’t thought about myself. “You know I’m gonna be here for you. I mean, it goes without saying. Anything you or this little one wants or needs, I’m there.”
“Thanks, man,” I reply and pat him on the shoulder, suddenly feeling uncomfortable over the moment. “I’m going after them, you know that don’t you?”
“I figured you would be,” he says with a heavy sigh, “and my offer still stands. Anything you want me to do, I’ll do it!”