Page 100 of Rust
Ready
Rust
“Wha’?” I laughed softly, convinced I’d heard her wrong or she was pulling my leg. “Sorry, you’re what?”
She took my hand and guided it to her flat tummy. “Pregnant, Rust.”
“But that’s impossible,” I murmured. “You’re still on the pill, aren’t you?”
“Yes, but with all the shuffling back and forth between houses—” She squeezed her eyes shut. “Oh God, Rust. I might’ve missed a day or two. I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t mean to. It happened once or twice before and I never got pregnant, so I thought it would be okay, and . . .”
She kept talking, running through all the possible permutations of how and why this could’ve happened, but the pressure in my head ratcheted up to a point where I felt dizzy and all I could hear was a high pitched tone.
“Rust? Are you okay? Talk to me. Say something.Please.”
I looked at her and blinked. I didn’t know what to say.
One thing was certain: we wouldn’t be hiding this for much longer. I’d gotten my best friend’s daughterpregnant.
“Whoa,” was all I finally managed to eke out. “You’re sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I went to the doctor. I’m six weeks in.”
“Huh. I see.”
A silence lingered.
“You’re so quiet. Are you mad at me?” she asked.
“Why would I be mad?”
“Because it’s all my fault. I really fucked up, Rust. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose—”
“Sweetheart.” I cupped her face in my hands. “It’s okay. It’s no one’s fault. It was an accident. It happens.”
“That’s the thing, though. It wouldn’t have happened if I’d been better about taking my pills. So if youweremad at me, I wouldn’t even blame you, because I’m mad at myself.”
“I’m not mad at you,” I said. “I’m just not sure what to think. My mind’s kind of blank right now.”
“Oh, God,” she whimpered, worried.
“How doyoufeel about it, Isabelle?”
“I’m super scared,” she began, drawing a timid breath.
“But … do you want to be a mom?” I asked cautiously.
“I dunno,” she mumbled. “I’m super conflicted. The thought of being a mom scares the shit out of me. On the other hand, ever since I found out, I keep noticing this weird, primal happiness. Like, sometimes I catch myself thinking about holding my baby and it makes me smile, you know? It’s hardnotto be a little bit excited, way deep down.”
She wasn’t the only one. The vision of a glowing Isabelle rocking my baby in her arms brought a smile to my face, too.
“But do I feel ready for it? No! Not at all,” she said. “There are so many things I wanted to accomplish first—I wanted a career, a house, fuck, ahusband…”
I shook my head. “No one’s ever truly ready for it. That’s the thing.”
“Your ex was, though, wasn’t she?”
“Point taken. I guess I shouldn’t sayno oneis ever ready for it. Because some people are, like Laura. All she wanted to be in life was a mom and housewife. Not everyone’s like that, though.”