Page 87 of Rust

Secretly Exclusive

Rust

My lungs tightened in my chest, and my breath grew quick and shallow.

I just boned my best friend’s daughter.

Worst part was? I couldn’t even say I “boned” her. Because you boned someone you didn’t care about. That was different—that was two people using each other’s bodies to satisfy primal urges. Like masturbating with someone else’s flesh. And when the selfish act was over, self-loathing and disgust quickly crept in, and you instantly wanted to get away from them. Youneededto be alone.

But I didn’t feel that way at all with Isabelle. Sex with her was mind blowing. We weren’t using each other’s flesh so much as we were gifting it to the other. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. By far the hottest, most intimate experience of my life. I had no idea sex could be that good, that intimate.

After we finished, I didn’t want to get away from Isabelle at all. I wanted to hold her close and squeeze her and feel the warmth of her soft body against mine. I wanted to fall asleep holding her, and wake up with her next to me. Because IlikedIsabelle. A lot. Even if she was Johnny’s daughter, and even if she was way too young for me.

So I guess it was more accurate to say, I made love to my best friend’s daughter.

Which scared the shit out of me. Because this road could only lead to heartbreak—mine, hers, or Johnny’s.

Holy shit. I’m fucked.

“Rust, talk to me,” Isabelle gently insisted. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” I whispered.

I was sure she was sick of my hot-and-cold act by now. I didn’t have anything new to say, so why keep saying it?

“Doesn’t look like nothing,” she said. “You have to talk to me, Rust. It’s the only way this will work.”

Did she really think we could possibly work? It struck me as so impossible, so naive, and yet her idealism was infectious. If she believed we could work, I wanted to believe it, too. Even if I knew we were only lying to ourselves.

I sighed. “It’s nothing new. I just can’t believe we really did that.”

Worried lines appeared in her brow. “You don’t regret it, do you?”

“I don’t regret being with you at all,” I said, trailing off, leaving something obviously unsaid.

“But?”

“I’m conflicted. I guess I still feel guilty. Johnny would kill me if he knew.”

“We don’t have to tell him, Rust. We don’t. I don’t want him to find out about us anymore than you do.”

I drew a breath through gritted teeth. “So … what do we do?”

“We take it slow. We see where things go,” she said, putting her hand in mine.

I couldn’t believe I was letting a nineteen-year-old girl talk me into this. But Iwantedto believe it.

“I guess the good news is, we don’t play Minnesota again this year,” I said, trying to convince myself that we could hide this. “So I probably won’t have to see Johnny for a few months, at least.”

“Perfect!” she beamed. “We can be a secret. My only rule is that we’re exclusive.”

Exclusive.I gulped. I wasn’t planning on being with anyone else—I’d gone years without being with anybody, after all—but something about the word scared me. It made us seem morereal—which made the threat of Johnny finding out also more real.

“Uh-oh. I know that look,” she said, worried. “Did I ruin it? Did I scare you away?”

“No. It’s not that. I can do exclusive.”

“Then why do you look so afraid right now?”