Page 44 of The Long Way Home

And I can’t. Not really. Not all the way, anyway.

Can’t explain what I need to to make it make sense.

I know I could tell her because she’s a therapist, it’s her job to keep secrets. But we said we’d never, so I won’t.

Claire takes my silence as a chance to dive in.

“You and Magnolia have a history of making co-dependent decisions, but you need to start making decisions just for you based off of the information you have at hand. Right now that information is: Magnolia lives in New York. She left. She’s based there now. She has a flight out of London in a week. She’s not staying here. With that knowledge being the only concrete information you have, do you still feel like you’d make the decision to end it with Jordan?”

“I don’t know.” I sigh, shrug a little. “No, I guess — but isn’t that shit of me?”

She smiles, a bit amused. “Why would it be?”

“Because I love Magnolia still.”

“Sure.” She nods.

“But you’re saying I should stay with Jordan?”

“I’m not saying that.” She shakes her head. “I’m suggesting you don’t end your current relationship because of an old one without really considering all the facts.”

I look at her with pinched eyes. “Even though I still love her.”

“You might always love her in some capacity, BJ. Even if you aren’t together.”

I roll my eyes. “Well, fuck—”

Claire laughs, tilts her head, gives me a gentle look.

“BJ, you can love someone and not have it rule you, not have it dictate your every waking thought and decision. You can love someone and still retain your power and autonomy. You can love someone and have it just be there, a part of you, and still have a completely functional life—” She pauses and gives me a long look. “Even if it’s a life without them.”

Doesn’t sound much like any life I’m interested in, actually.