Page 13 of Cowboys & Horses

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An awkward hush fellbetween us. I continued staring into the water, as if all my answers might be found in the fluid serenity before me. A solitary tear escaped my brimming eyes and rolled down my cheek.

After what seemed like an age, Brady eventually broke the silence. “Is that why you came out here?”

I shook my head, lifting it to meet his gaze. I was surprised to see his chocolate eyes swimming with concern.

“I attempted to patch things up with him.” I paused as I picked up a rock, and threw it into the water with a big splash. “Despite the fact they’d been having an affair for over three months.”

“I’m sorry—”

“Don’t.” I held up a hand in a stop sign. “Please don’t give me your sympathy. I don’t need it.”

He held his hands up in a surrender sign and fell silent.

For some reason, I found myself on a roll, telling him the ins and outs of it all. Maybe some part of me did need to talk it out with someone ‘outside’ of the situation, or perhaps I hoped he might ease up on me a bit.

“I needed help when I came out of hospital. I figured it was the least he could do considering he caused it, so he became my carer twenty-four seven. Unfortunately, that also gave him an opportunity to plead his case.” I stopped and looked at the ripples fading on the water’s surface. “Ten years together, that’s a long time to throw away because of a three-month affair. That’s what he kept clinging onto and eventually, he got his way. I agreed to try and make a go of it. He assured me he didn’t love Alyssa, my sister, it was just a fling.”

I hesitated, unsure whether he really wanted to listen to this or not. I became very aware of sounding like an idiot, doubting my reasons for being such a jumbled mess.

In a soft voice, he asked, “Did he then admit to loving her or something?”

I closed my eyes, the painful last argument we’d had playing out in my mind. “Alyssa announced she was pregnant two weeks ago.” A few more tears released themselves, running down my pale cheeks. “The due date is the date Ben and I were supposed to get married. Talk about irony, huh?”

He let out a low whistle, and shuffled on the log.

“I completely lost it—that was the last straw. I couldn’t cope with the thought of it. We had a massive row last week when I demanded he tell her to get rid of it.” I paused and clasped my hands together. “We’d been trying for a baby for over a year. In the heat of the moment, he turned around and said at least my sister could have his children.”

He raised his eyebrows and clenched his jaw. “What an absolute douche.”

I nodded. “The worst bit is, I fell out with my best friend only a few hours before it all happened. She’d tried to tell me that Ben was seeing someone else and I just...blew up at her. I called her all the names under the sun and told her not to speak to me ever again. I went home and, well, the rest is history.”

“Ouch. Does she know what’s happened?”

“Yes. She sent me flowers and things whilst I was in hospital. It was still too sore to speak to her. The weeks have all kind of merged into a mess since, and now it’s more a case of being too embarrassed. After I told Mum about our latest row last week, she called Zoe, my best friend, and organised for me to come out here. John is Zoe’s uncle.”

“Ah, yes, I know Zoe. That’s really good of her though. Surely that’s enough for you to pick up the phone and speak to her again?”

I stood up to stretch my legs out. Running my hands through my hair, I fussed over stones and rocks on the bare earth. “I don’t think you quite realise how much of a bitch I was to her. I...” Tears started falling again. “I need to figure out me and Ben first. One thing at once.”

He nodded and stood up, running a hand over his stubble dashed chin. “So, why did your mum and Zoe send you out to a ranch?”

I smiled, a couple more tears squeezing their way from my eyes. “Horses have always been my solidarity in life. They have an amazing ability to transport me to this place in my mind where nothing matters, I’m free of the world, my life. I’ve not had a horse in my life for nearly eight years and I miss them more than anything.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess they thought it was the perfect fit.”

A shrill whistle cut through the air, breaking the intimate peace between us.

He wiped his hands on his jeans. “Sounds like we’re getting ready to move.”

I nodded. “Sure. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”

He faltered, his dark eyes lingering on me for a second or two before he turned and made his way back to the group.

I let out a long breath, feeling as though a tonne of bricks had been lifted from me. I walked back to the hay cart feeling strangely happy with the evenings’ events.

***

BY THE TIME I GOT BACKto my room, darkness had fallen, wrapping everything in its night time promises. I flicked the TV on and climbed under my duvet, snuggling into my pillow. I was so relaxed, I jumped when my phone started ringing. I looked at the display with a frown as it was my works number.