Page 2 of Navigating Lexie

Nav

Hestoodoffto the side, tucked back away from the people he didn’t know as they mourned a man he had envied up until last week. Nav dropped his head in agony as he heard Lexie cry out while the pastor spoke over Oliver’s casket before lowering him into the ground. His heart pounded loudly in his ears and he fought every aching desire to run over and wrap his arms around her.

She was no longer his to comfort. He lost that privilege when he walked away from her all those years ago. Instead, he stuffed his cold hands into his pockets and stalked back to his car, also a distance away from the others. He didn’t want anyone to know he had been in attendance at the burial–he was already feeling embarrassed and slightly ashamed that he had been keeping tabs on Lexie since the moment he left their hometown.

He worked and lived on the Air Guard base just thirty minutes from Otsego. His girlfriend, if you could even call her that, was waiting for him there. She, too, had no idea he had taken a day off from work to visit the funeral for a man who had married the first woman he had ever loved. Yeah, yeah, it’s crazy. He shouldn’t be here. He knew that. Instant regret flooded through him with a sudden blush of his cheeks as he picked up his pace, closing the distance between himself and his Subaru. Once tucked away inside the warmth of the car, he rubbed his hands together and stole one last glance at his friends as they walked Lexie to the limo.

Nav’s car wound around the curves as he exited town and drove back to the place he reluctantly called home. Leaving Otsego was something he had always dreamt about. He didn’t want to be in a town that reminded him of the mother he lost or the absent father life gave to him. After his mother died, he was forced into caring for his two younger brothers. He was always focused on where the money would come from for their next meal and how he would provide for them. His formative high school years were spent fathering his brothers when he should have been playing football and going on dates. When the middle brother, Adam, caught a big break and started his own company, things settled financially around the house. They could finally afford to purchase groceries without couponing or shopping at the dollar store. Their stomachs were finally full and they could breathe momentarily. Nav settled into a calm reluctance as things around him changed. Adam was a successful businessman living in New York City and the youngest brother, Tristan, moved in with his girlfriend shortly after.

Their father wasn’t always absent, but after their mom died things changed around the house, and Nav never really understood it until he faced loss himself. His loss wasn’t necessarily finite, but when he walked away from the woman he loved for twenty years of his life, he suddenly felt the hole his father must have felt all those years without their mother. He never talked about it with his dad, just let him work through it on his own. Eventually, the entire family drifted apart from one another. Adam stepped into the father-figure role, taking on responsibilities at work in New York City and back at home in Otsego. He funded Tristan’s constant adventures and his eventual move out of the family home. Plus, just last year Adam had bailed Nav out of jail and helped prove to the Otsego Police Department that he wasn’t guilty of fraud, but was actually a victim himself. Nav was great at getting himself into harmful situations and Adam was great at pulling him from the depths. The tides had turned since they were kids and Nav found it ironic that the most irresponsible of the three had turned into the man they all looked up to. Adam had recently moved into his newly-renovated house in Arizona with his fiance, Kennedy. After previously stepping back from running his company, Ev3, (which he named after their mother, Evelyn) he resumed the lead of CEO.

Nav slowed his car as he came upon Interstate 88. The cross and flowers notating the loss of a life so loved rested along the side of the road. He pulled his car off to the side and stared ahead. He owed many thanks to the man who loved his Lexie the way she needed and the way he never could. She needed stability and commitment and as a young twenty-year-old fighting his own demons, it was never something he could promise to her. Oliver took the challenge and loved her fiercely while Nav sat back and dreamed of life when he could have been the man she needed.

He pulled a bouquet of flowers from his back seat–a random assortment he picked up at the grocery store–and stepped out into the frigid air. He pulled his hood over the back of his head, hoping to disguise himself from any passersby. He kneeled down and tapped the cross gently as he rested his flowers near the various other candles and flowers recently left.

“Keep watching over her, please,” he whispered gently as he stood and walked back to his car.