Page 51 of Academically Yours

I was too riled up to sleep. Even after my conversation with Charlotte, all week, when I had closed my eyes, his face was all I could see.

Luckily, I didn’t have to wait long before he texted back.

Matthew: Noelle.

Me: Matthew.

I imagined him scowling from his side of the phone. For some reason, the thought brought a smile to my face now. Maybe because I felt like his smiles were saved, only to be given to me.

Matthew: You can’t keep running on fumes, sweetheart. You’re going to collapse if you keep running on empty.

For some reason, I liked taunting him, but I wasn’t going to look into that any deeper.

Me: I’ll just drink some coffee, it’s fine.

As I was drafting another text, my phone rang. When I saw his name on the screen, my heart skipped a few beats. Sure, we had been texting… but this? Talking on the phone?

“Hi?” I squeaked.

“Noelle,” he addressed me, not bothering with the formalities of saying hello. I guess we’d already been having a conversation anyway, so what did that matter? “You need to sleep.”

“Do you ever lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to force yourself to sleep but you just can’t? Like, every time I close my eyes, I just…” I trailed off. I couldn’t tell him I was thinking about him. Fantasizing about him. Replaying that kiss over and over in my mind. Nope. Absolutely not. I didn’t finish my thought, but Matthew didn’t seem to notice.

“Please. You’re killing me here. What can I do to help you get some sleep? I’ll help you with your projects or whatever so you can get some actual sleep tomorrow night.”

You could come over here, I thought, and maybe put that mouth of yours to use—God. He wanted to help me? Didn’t he know my problem was him? I’ll help you so you can get some actual sleep tomorrow night shouldn’t sound so dirty. But I was pretty sure if he helped me like that…

I shut my eyes. “I—”

“And before you say no, just know there is absolutely no way I’m letting you out of this until you get some sleep. So tell me what I can do to help or I’m showing up at your place and figuring it out myself.” I could almost hear him nodding to himself through the phone.

I knew that I should find his behavior concerning, the way he was going all alpha male on me, but really, I knew how sweet and caring this man was. How this came from a place of concern. And even though I would have hated it on someone else, I loved it on him. And it was fair because it wasn’t like I was telling him what was wrong with me.

Could I? I pushed the thought away. No. We couldn’t cross that line. It would be disastrous for both of us if we did, wouldn’t it? I figured the university would frown on it, and if there was a chance we could put either of our jobs at risk… No. I shouldn’t jeopardize either one of our careers just because I wanted him.

“Pushy, huh, Matthew?” I snickered. He was wearing me down too easily, because I knew there was no way in hell I was going to say no to this man’s offer, no matter what he asked. Well, maybe the one to come over to my place. I glanced around my somewhat-messy dorm apartment. It was too soon for that, and my face flushed at the thought of him over here. Maybe I should clean up tomorrow.

But seeing him? I wanted that—more than anything in the world.

“Noelle.” He sounded like he was gritting his teeth. “I’m serious.”

I giggled. I liked pushing his buttons. Because as much as I didn’t want to admit it, it was nice to have this with him. Something more than just the physical response my body was having to him, that couldn’t get my mind to settle. Or maybe it was something more than that, thinking about what it would be like to have him here.

On my couch. On top of me. In my bed. In—Dammit. I needed to keep these images at bay. Because ever since he had held my hand, touched my arm, tucked the hair behind my ear, all I could think about was the wicked things I wanted him to do to me. Nope, nope, nope. We weren’t going there while I was on the phone with him. Not thinking about his finely sculpted arms picking me up or his fingers running over my bare skin. Nope.

My breath hitched a little as I thought about being pressed up against his erection as my back rested on the tree bark.

“So? What’ll it be?” He finally said, breaking the silence I hadn’t even realized I created fantasizing about him.

“What?” I asked, spell broken.

“Did you want to get dinner?” Oh. Oh. I had spaced out, and he expected an answer. And I didn’t trust myself inviting him over to my house, knowing what direction my brain was going in.

“When?” I tried not to stutter.

“You have class tomorrow night, right? So, I’d say on Friday. Now, seriously. Get some sleep.”

“Okay, okay. Good night, Matthew.”

“Good night, Noelle.”

As soon as I hung up, I swear, honest to goodness, the butterflies were back. Damn him.

Because when I finally did fall asleep that night, it was with the thought of me kissing him again. After dinner.

On our date.

And… What was this, anyway? I didn’t think we could classify as just friends anymore. Were we, though? Dating?

And maybe, more importantly… Did I want us to be?