Page 84 of Academically Yours

Because seeing him smile filled me with more joy than I could explain.

And yeah, I knew one thing was for sure: I needed more wine. I really shouldn’t get this attached to him, for crying out loud.Because what if it ended? But then, here was Matthew, who, yeah, had fucked me on his desk, but had also planned the sweetest Valentine’s Day dinner for me.

The thought left me holding my fork in midair, staring off into the distance as I swallowed another bite of food.

“What are you thinking about, Noelle?” his voice cut through.

“Well… You,” I answered, deciding to be bold instead of holding back my thoughts. I shoveled another forkful of pasta into my mouth.

God, I should not be thinking about him like that right now. Not while we sat here eating the dinner he had so generously made me. Thinking of him like that made me feel like I was some sort of a sex-craved addict, one who had gone down him on in his office and now couldn’t get enough.I ran my tongue over my bottom lip as I stared at him. I couldn’t get enough of him, could I?

“Oh?” After putting his empty plate in the sink, Matthew propped his head up with his elbows, leaning onto his hands as he stared at me with bright blue eyes. I used to think they were icy, before I got to know him, but now they were so cool, yet so… welcoming. Inviting, calming. Like the ocean.

I nodded. Breaking out of my lust haze, I tried to refocus myself. Right. Important conversation needed to be had here. There were so many things I wanted to ask him, no, needed to ask him. Things I wanted to say to him, to clarify whatever this was, to make sure what he meant when he said, you’re mine.

“Noelle.” He put both of his palms on the counter as he bored into my eyes. “Is something on your mind?”

I shook my head.

“I don’t want there to be anything between us. Anything that would keep us apart. Okay?”

I nodded, and he seemed satisfied with that. I needed to distract myself from my current train of thought, so I pulled a question out of thin air. “How many people have you been with?”

“Sexually? Or romantically?”

“Erm… Both, I guess.” I bit my lip. Why did I want to know, anyway? “I know you said there hasn’t been anyone else at the university, but I wondered…”

He looked at me for a moment, refilling his glass of wine and taking a big sip. “Well… Romantically, less than a dozen. Sexually—five, maybe?” he said, and then I choked on my next bite of chicken and pasta.

Because while it wasn’t like I had been with that many people either, a few hookups here and there during college before Jake, there was something about knowing that I had slept with more people than he had that made my jaw drop open. “That’s it? With a body like that, you’re telling me you’ve only ever slept with five other women—”

“I’m not some sort of sex god.” He laughed. I grumbled. You fuck like one. “And, technically,” Matthew added, looking at me thoughtfully with his wine glass paused in the air, “You’re the fifth.”

I shoved a final forkful of the pasta into my mouth to avoid any other thought from coming out.

“Noelle.” I brought my eyes back up to meet his as he took my plate away. It felt like he was looking directly into my soul.

God. He really shouldn’t look at me like this, not when all I wanted to do was straddle him right here in his kitchen. But I wasn’t some sort of cheap hookup for him—he didn’t do those. And I was here, in his house, for the whole week. That meant something.

“Yes?” I gulped, feeling suddenly very unsure about how I was going to tell him how I felt. Because as he stood in front of me, I knew I very much did want that. Wanted to be the only girl he brought over to his house, the only one he cooked dinner for. Ever. Why was I jealous of future women, already? And if that wasn’t what he wanted, well… Then what was I even doing here anyway?

I left my seat at the island to hop up on the counter. My knees were parted so he could stand between them, and I felt even more satisfied as he pulled me in closer.“Matthew,” I urged him on as if I could tell that the words were trapped under his tongue, and he was trying to force them out.

“God, Noelle. I don’t know anything, but I know that I want you. I don’t know what overcame me,” he started. “You were just there, bursting into my life, and you were always making me feel like I was going to have a heart attack when I looked at you…” Matthew trailed off, eyes narrowing, the glint in his eyes obvious to me as I watched the emotions flash through his face. How he had always seen me, all of me, even from the first day we met. How he had wanted me. I felt powerful, magical, and beautiful in his eyes. “I don’t want you to be a dirty secret, Noelle. I don’t want to have to hide how much I want you. From anyone. Okay?”

I nodded. “Matthew…” I wanted to tell him how I felt, how I had been entranced by him, how from that very first day it was like he had walked over and stolen my heart right out of my chest. But the words wouldn’t come to me, so I just stared at this man who was laying down all of his truths for me.

“And don’t get me started on those little panties you’re always wearing.”

“Oh, you’ve noticed those, have you?” I smirked. “I wear them just to torture you, you know.” I crossed my knees and readjusted the bottom part of my dress as I watched him stare at me, the slit rising so he could see right up my thighs.

“Oh, you think I don’t know that, sweetheart?” His face split into a playful grin. “I also fully intend to punish you for it later.”

I couldn’t help but laugh then, feeling a swell of pleasure erupt through me. “And what sort of punishment do you have in mind?” I bit my lip, looking up at him with what I knew were the biggest eyes I could muster.

“I guess I’ll just have to show you, Noelle. But some other time, because right now, I’d like to tell you something.” He paused, and I sucked in a gulp of air.

“I really like you,Noelle. So much. I like your brain.” He placed a kiss on my forehead. “Your heart.” A kiss on my chest, over my left breast. “Your smile.” His lips finally found mine. “Your body, your curves.” His lips found my shoulder and he lingered there for a moment. “I especially can’t get those thighsof yours out of my mind…” His hands trailed up my skirt, towards my bare skin. “I want you. All of you. Always.”