Page 31 of Tremors of Desire
I move quietly, trying not to wake him, as I stretch my arm, which is numb from the awkward position I’m half-sitting, half-lying in. As soon as I move it, I wince, the pins and needles sensation lancing through my hand to my shoulder.
Shifting my weight, I begin to pull away from Max’s chest, but his arms wrap around me tighter, pressing me to his warm torso.This feels so nice. My heart racing with excitement from him pulling me against him. A mix of desire and security rolls through me when he holds me in his arms like this.
So weird. I was with Ben for a long time and never felt like this when he held me in his arms.
God! What the hell is wrong with me? I barely know Max.It’s a mistake for me to let this false sense of security cause me to be complacent. I’d been hurt before, and my heart still carries the scars that Ben left when he cheated on me. I never saw his betrayal coming.
Focusing back the present discomfort I’m feeling, I realize that my leg is going completely numb. I gingerly move it, trying not to wake Max, but his eyes open, drilling me with his gaze. Freezing, I observe the confusion that washes over his face. His features tighten as he blinks, analyzing me, before reality washes through and causes him to relax slightly.
“Good morning,” his voice is low, deep, and rumbles through my skin since I’m still lying on him. His mouth slowly hitches upward into a small grin. “Did you sleep well?”
“Good morning.” I nod. “I must have. I don’t remember anything until hearing the dumpster lid close outside.” I shift my leg, and my cheeks heat from embarrassment as I feel his morning wood.
Clearing my throat, I’m unable to stop my gaze as it sweeps over the fabric of his blue t-shirt covering his muscular chest. My eyes continue roving downward to the patch of rippled abs exposed from his shirt sliding up his torso. His jeans hang low against his hips, offering the briefest peak of the band of his boxers showing.
Slowly pulling back, my face flames scarlet. I’m not sure how we ended up tangled together like this.
His arms move away from me and instantly I’m cold, despite being under the blanket. Pulling the blanket around me, I sit up, blinking, reaching for my phone. It’s 6:00 a.m., but since my blinds are pulled closed, it’s unusually dark in this room.
Standing, I wrap the blanket around me, and open the blinds, letting the early morning light into the room.
Max moves his legs to the side, sitting up, his hand going through his hair. He stretches and blinks as the bright light wafts into the room.
“If you want, you can use the bathroom in my bedroom. I can use Vanessa’s.”
He gives me a grin. “Thank you. You wouldn’t happen to have a spare toothbrush or at least mouthwash I can use?”
“I have both. Let me get them for you.” Before dropping the blanket, I subtly begin adjusting my clothing, that is twisted awkwardly and revealing a lot of skin. Once I’m sure my boobs aren’t popping out of my tank top and my ass cheeks aren’t hanging out of my shorts, I give him a small smile, gesturing for him to follow me. His heavy footsteps are behind me as I lead him to my room.
Walking into my bedroom, my gaze lands on the clothing I wore yesterday, which is draped over my hamper. My jaw clenches tightly.I should burn them. They remind me of what happened with William.
My spine is rigid as I head into the bathroom. Bending over, I grab the pack of toothbrushes from the cabinet, ripping it open with more force than necessary. Anger courses through me at William’s unexpected intrusion into my life. My hands shake as I set the toothbrush on the counter beside the sink.
Max’s hand gently covers mine, stopping my movements. “Irelynn. What’s wrong?”
Turning my gaze to his, the concern on his face causes me to take a deep breath, reining in my temper. An embarrassed smile crosses my lips. “I’m—” I stop, glancing at my toenails. Taking a breath, I start again. “I’m just furious that William has unexpectedly crashed into my life. I considered burning the clothes I wore yesterday, sincehetouched them.”
Max’s expression darkens. He gives my hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry he returned. I’m really fucking pissed that he hurt you.” His eyes rove over the bruises on my upper arms. His chest expands and contracts harder through his t-shirt. Anger makes his jaw clench, and he turns away, running a hand through his hair.
I busy myself by grabbing a new bottle of Listerine from beneath the cabinet under my sink. Setting the mouthwash beside the toothbrush, I point to the toothpaste, forcing a bright smile to my face. “Here you go. Help yourself.”
Grabbing my toothbrush, I don’t wait for him to say anything. I simply brush past him and practically run out of my bedroom. Hurrying through Vanessa’s room, I dash into her bathroom and close the door behind me.
The back of my head hits the door, my body pressing against it, as I take a deep breath, scolding myself. My anger about William is mixing with the sensations I’m feeling around Max.Everything just feels so awkward and confusing right now.
An image of my dream, his lips so close to mine, runs through my thoughts, my breathing becoming heavier. My fingers trace my lips, imagining what his mouth would feel like on mine.
Shaking my head, I push off the door, stomping over to Vanessa’s shower, disgusted with myself.I have enough issues with William’s crazy behavior. Why am I fixated on a dream about kissing Max? Especially since I vowed to only focus on my goals this year?
Turning the water on hot, I angrily rip my clothes from my body, tossing them onto the floor. Stepping inside the shower, hot water pelts my skin, scolding me. Releasing a small yelp, I jump back, quickly adjusting the temperature. Once the water temperature is comfortable, I grab a dollop of shampoo, trying to clear my thoughts.
It works until I grab the conditioner, pouring out a healthy dollop of it, spreading the heavy cream through my hair. The scent of coconut reminds me of being on the sandy beach of Cape May with Vanessa this summer.
A time when things were simpler.
A smile crosses my lips as I remember all the fun Vanessa and I had together that week. For once, I felt alive and free. I hadn’t felt that way since…
My eyes fly open.No, I will not think of that.