Page 64 of Song of Tenebrae
I look down to the naked body on the altar and see that it is indeed female, although the body is covered in filth. The smell is something akin to rot and I cover my face to dull the scent.
“She wasn’t much for hygiene in her life but I will admit it’s been worse since we’ve come here.” Raiden says as he runs a finger down her sternum.
“What did she do?” I ask, knowing there must be a story and needing it before we go any further.
“She fell into the empty promises of drugs, sunk to the bottom of the pit, and stayed there, neglecting everything else. She’s given birth to two stillborn babies because of her addiction and still, she shows no remorse.” The woman behind the hood lets loose a sob and I feel sorry for her, “she starved her only living child so that she could buy drugs, had given that child to men to fondle in payment for those drugs.”
My heart stops and I pull my gaze away from the hooded woman to look at Raiden. “Like my moth-”
“She left her child to run off with a man who promised her unlimited drugs,” he cuts me off and I hear another sob, only this time it’s coming from me, “left her daughter with a man who had a heavy hand and a growing hatred for his own flesh.”
“Oh god,” I moan and cover my mouth with my hand.
“She didn’t go far,” he continues as if he isn’t sacrificing me at this very moment; like he isn’t ripping the heart from my own chest, “two towns over and sometimes, she’d even come back to the old trailer park, just to see if the man and child were doing better. Because if they were, she might consider coming back, but they never were.”
“No,” I shake my head, “it only grew worse every year.” The despair is draining away and I’m left with the burning anger I’ve held onto for over fifteen years. “I was left with a man who every time he saw me, wanted to punish me. I hated being home and I loved when he got sick.”
I rip the hood off her head and stare down into a pair of dark blue eyes. They’re wide and the whites of her eyes are turning yellow. She looks afraid and her protruding cheekbones tells me she’s neglected eating many times for drugs.
“She told me the first time she looked down into the eyes of her only surviving child, she saw a demon.” I snap my head to Raiden and his hand lands on my cheek, “see? You were meant to survive when the others died and you were always meant to be my demon.”
I was. I was made for him and as I stare down at the woman who birthed me, I realize that was the best and only thing she did for me. I rip the gag out from between her lips and cringe when I see her toothless mouth.
“What do you have to say for yourself?” I snarl at her.
“Nothing,” she sobs, “it’s all true. I wished you’d died, I never wanted babies, but your father kept knocking me up. It’s not my fault!”
“It’s not your fault?” I stare at her aghast, “you made every decision to be where you are right now, it most certainly is your fault. Why not put me into foster care then? Or put me up for adoption?”
“She suspected you’d become useful as you grew older.” Raiden says quietly and I swallow down the bile that threatens to explode from my mouth. I did become useful for a while.
“If I was feeding you and caring for you, then you should be giving it back.” She’s crying and a sobbing mess, but what’s truly shocking is how much she believes her own words.
I feel cool metal pressed into my hand and when I look down, I see my knife. I look up to Raiden and bite into my lip. Can I do this? I look down at the woman crying on the table; she’s not my mother. I grew up without parents, all I see is a drug addict and a useless excuse for a human.
“Do this, and you will provide us with a sacrifice today.” Raiden brushes my hair aside and kisses my neck, “and you will officially become one of us. Look at her like a Sacrificial Lamb and nothing more.”
That would be giving her more than she ever gave me. I flick open the knife and watch as the other three men below lower their hoods, watching us at the altar. I could kill her swiftly like Raiden did last night, or I can go straight for the belly like Torrent did. I skim my knife along her throat, willing myself to do it, and give the woman an easy out. Instead, my hand and the knife trails down over her chest, stopping just above her belly button.
I hear a few intakes of breath as I press the tip into her skin, her screams floating around the room, and I stop when the knife is hilt deep. Her blood is pooling out around the wound and soaking into my skin. It’s not easy to cut through flesh and organs, nothing like how easy Torrent made it look. I keep going though until my blade hits bone and can go no further.
I pull it out and drop it to the altar. I look up and see the woman is either dead or passed out, to which I couldn’t care less. The three guys begin to walk closer, as if in a trance at my actions, and I dip my fingers inside her. It feels warm, sticky, and yet, not as disgusting as I thought.
“Go up to the rib cage,” Raiden has his hands on my waist, “and reach inside, you’ll feel it.”
I do feel it and I wrap both my hands around it, stunned when I feel the weak beat still there. I yank on it but surprisingly, it doesn’t take a lot of force and I fall against Raiden, the bloody heart hitting my chest.
“Hold it above your head and thank her for the sacrifice.” He murmurs and I do as he says. I then hold it out to him and walk off the platform, to stand with the other three.
They don’t move out of my way nor do they push me away, this is their way of showing me I’ve been accepted as one of them. Raiden is holding the heart over his head as he descends the stairs, passing it off to Hail. He wraps me up with his bloody arms and pulls me into his bloody chest. The others pass off the heart one by one and when it finally reaches Torrent, he throws it to the ground.
“Go back to your point,” Raiden murmurs into my hair and then steps to his.
We each take a point on the pentagram and I watch as my gorgeously naked man lifts his arms, “embrace the chaos inside of you, for this makes you wise, and perfection can only be found through the most chaotic. Elevate above the mortal plane and its simplistic form of thought. Do whatever you need to accomplish all your desires.”
“Rege Satanas.” The three of them mutter in synchrony.
“Go and spread your seed for it is great, spill blood for it is revered, and worship only yourself for you are your own god.”