Page 32 of Unlikely to Stay
Marty shrugged his shoulders.“I heard he had some young filly he had his eye on in town.Some previous ties to her or something.”
Brant wrinkled his brow.Stupidly, he hoped it wasn’t CC.“Any idea who it is?”
“Nope,” Marty replied.“But the way I hear it, she’d rather hell freeze over than bid on him.”
“But you don’t know who it is?”
“You need to borrow my hearing aid?That’s what I said and I sure as hell didn’t stutter.”
Brant refrained from asking if it was the little hair stylist who had it out for him.No doubt that would be the next item on the Parker gossip mill if he were.“Interesting,” is what he said instead.“He better hope Madge Perkins doesn’t win him.”
“Why is that?”
“Because she has a plan to make her date dress up in a toga, feed her grapes, and fan her with palm leaves.”
Marty waggled his eyebrows.“I look damn fine in a toga.She better bid on me!”
Brant looked the old man up and down.His bald head shone with sunscreen he rubbed on a few minutes ago, leaving a blob of it on the sleeve of his threadbare, brown cardigan.A pot belly hung over his blue corduroy pants, a pair of white Dr.Scholl’s shoes on his feet.Brant had also seen the man naked from the ass down.He didn’t think Marty’s body was one that could rock a toga.
“She probably will,” Brant said vaguely.“Just give her the wink I’ve seen you give the ladies when they walk by you and Burt playing checkers outside Sadie’s.She’ll be a goner.”
Marty clapped him on the back.“Good pointer, Doc.By the way, I never told you thanks for cutting that boil off my ass.”
“You’re feeling better then?”
“Like a new man.”
“Going once, going twice,sold!Congratulations, Madge Perkins!You just won a date with our newest bartender for five hundred dollars!”Griff called into the microphone.
Brant blew out a sigh of relief.Five hundred dollars was a hefty sum that probably blew through the money in Madge’s pocketbook.At least he hoped it did.He needed saving from the toga.
“Our next bachelor is a man born and raised in our fine town of Parker,” Griff began.
“That’s my cue,” Marty said.“I better get out there and give all those women a good show.”
Marty hobbled up the steps of the stage and disappeared behind the curtain.To his shock, Kelda came running around the stage, an old boom box in her hand.
“Kelda!What are you doing?”Brant whispered, trying not to yell as Griff continued to give the ladies in the audience information about Marty.
“Quiet, sexy,” Kelda said.“I’m helping out my man’s friend.My cats are the ones who gave him the herpes on his ass.I figure I owe him one.”
Brant started to explain her cats didnotgive Marty herpes on his ass but rolled his eyes instead.What was the use?She wouldn’t listen.
“Don’t just stand there gawking at me!”she whisper-shouted.“I’m a taken woman, you dirty-minded man.Help me out.”
“What do you want me to do?”Brant asked.He was completely confused.
“Bend over and plug this in,” she said, holding the cord of the stereo to him.When he didn’t automatically do as she asked, Kelda rolled her eyes at his hesitation.“Justdoit.I’m helping Marty.Cross my heart, hope to die.I won’t try to feel ya up or anything.”
With Kelda’s spunk, he didn’t figure she’d be dying anytime soon.But if she promised upon her death, he guessed it was okay to trust her.Crossing his fingers, he plugged it in.
Brant couldn’t keep from laughing when Right Said Fred’s one hit from the nineties,I’m Too Sexy,started blaring from the speakers on the front of the stage.
“Um…well, ladies.It looks like Marty wanted to add some music to his performance,” Griff stuttered.“Oh, wow.Didn’t see that one coming.Can we start the bidding at thirty dollars?”
Brant’s curiosity got the best of him.He walked around the stage just in time to see Marty waving his cardigan around his head like a lasso before throwing it into the audience.Brant didn’t notice it when they were talking, but underneath Marty’s cardigan was a bright green wife beater tank top with the words,I’m not Irish but kiss me anyway, emblazoned on the front.Marty was now walking back and forth across the stage, posing as he flexed his tiny arm muscles and blowing kisses to all the females.
Brant shook his head and walked back behind the stage.He didn’t know how he was going to beat that performance.The bidding on Marty seemed to go on forever.Netty Delphino and Madge were engaged in a bidding war—Netty determined to get herself a date, Madge determined to win herself another toga boy.Finally, with a vulgar hand gesture sent Netty’s way, Madge gave up her fight and Netty won Marty for four hundred and fifty dollars.