Page 16 of The Club Family
“I don’t like the idea of being around everyone while thinking about her.”
“This club, your brothers, they’re all here for you, and mourn her death as well.”
“I know,” he sighs. “It’s just… too personal. It’s still raw. Even now, it’s like it happened yesterday.”
“One thing I’ve learned over the years is that there’s always something that wants to destroy you, pull you down until you can’t breathe no more. When you think you’ve dealt with one demon, there’s another waiting to take its place. The only thing I’ve found to get me through without losing my mind is focusing on the things that bring me joy. You’ve got Rayna, and she’s more than enough to kill off the demons.”
“You’re not wrong there. I’m just so tired of fighting just to breathe each day. Rayna helps, but the older she gets, the more she looks like her mom. I can’t get away from it.”
“I can’t help you there. I’d like to tell you in time, it’ll all be in the past, but she’ll always be there, and it will always feel like it happened yesterday. You’ve gotta find a way to live with it.”
Like many of us have had to do over the years. Sometimes I’m caught out, thinking I’ll see Michael walk out of the bar, barking orders at us, but he’s been dead for years. Sometimes, I still hear Oak making jokes and laughing at himself with that deep, throaty voice of his. I can see Micky riding out the gates going nomad, never to return home. It all feels like it happened yesterday, and when I think about it, I have no idea how we all carried on. So much has happened, and will no doubt happen in the future. Time is a fickle thing. As much as it helps, it really fucking doesn’t at the same time.
“Never forget, do what your gut tells you. It’s telling you to fight against the Dead Rats, so focus on that. And when they are nothing but dust and bones in the ground, there’ll be life waiting for you. A new day will come, and so it goes on.”
Chapter Six
JJ
My leg bounces as I wait for someone at Red Thorne to pick up. I phoned last night, but was told to call back this morning.
“Good morning, you’ve reached Red Thorne Health Centre. Delilah speaking, how may I help you?”
“Yes, good morning. I’m calling for an update on my wife, Harper Carter.”
Hearing her tapping away on a computer, I reach for my smokes. Lighting up, I exhale a long stream of smoke into the rays of sunshine crossing the room.
“Oh, yes, she’s just been in with the doctor. According to his notes, her meds are being adjusted, and she’s starting her course without issue. She’s settling in well, Mr. Carter.”
My heart races ten times faster with joy. What a relief to hear.
“Is it possible for me to talk to her?”
“Not at this time, I’m afraid. Harper will get the choice to call you over the next few days.”
I want to argue, demand to speak to my wife, but I don’t want to make things worse for her if she’s finally settling down.
“When can I come see her?”
“The doctor has asked for a seven-day hold, so any time after that. Just call and book in.”
“And the baby? Is it okay?”
“He’s also doing well, Mr. Carter. Both are being monitored closely. If there’s anything you need to know, I will call you.”
Hold on.
“He? I’m having a son?”
“Oh, no. Have I ruined the surprise? I do apologise, Mr. Carter. I wasn’t aware.”
“It’s fine. Thank you.”
Hanging up, I stub the cigarette out in the ashtray. I’m going to have a son. The news is the best thing I’ve heard in a long time, but I wish I was sharing it with Harper. Fuck. Does she know we’re having a son? Would they have told her, thinking she already knew too? A part of me hopes not so I can tell her, and we can still have some sort of a moment that Harper’s always chasing.
I shower and change, dumping my dirty clothes in the laundry bag for Mom. Making sure I have my phone, smokes, and keys, I head down to the bar, but find no one around to share my news with. Slipping on my shades, I step outside and bask in the glorious fucking sunshine.
“What’s got you smiling like a dick?” Leo chuckles as he walks out of the garage.