Page 41 of Sexual Healing

Downing the beer, he threw the bottle in the recycling and headed to his bedroom, taking a last look out the window. Everyone’s house was in a different stage of nighttime: Pam’s with lights ablaze as the party wound down; Laura there with Will, and that did leave him with a pang of hurt; Lisa and Ryan’s house dark; and on the corner, Sandra’s, although he thought he saw the ghostly flickering of a television. She was there with Andrew Roman. Even he had to admit they made an astonishing couple.

He was the only one getting into bed alone, but it was okay. If history repeated itself, he wouldn’t be alone for long.

Sunday morning, Dan got up at sunrise in the same position he remembered being in when he got into bed. He’d go to the gym. While he was standing in front of the sink, brushing his teeth, he wondered for a second if there wasn’t something wrong with him. His average time in a relationship had just lost a month or two now that the thing with Lily was over. The morning gave him a fresh perspective, and they were through. He’d let her make the move to talk, and he’d be honest and tell her that there was nothing more they could do.

There were only a few people in the gym when he got there, and they were on treadmills and elliptical machines. The weight room was his alone, and before long he was absorbed in his workout, his mind emptied of everything but his breathing and the sound of his heartbeat in his ears.

Covered in sweat, he’d reached that point of physical exhaustion that he knew it wouldn’t be safe for him to lift another pound. It was time to head to the treadmill. He walked into the machine room, drinking from his water bottle, a towel over his shoulder.

“Oh god, didn’t we see enough of each other last night?”

He looked over and then down, and there was Pam. Laughing out loud, he just shook his head.

“I guess we didn’t,” he said. “I just beat my own ass in the weight room, and now I have to try to keep up with you. Pure torture.”

“You’ll never beat me running, Dan,” she said, putting her items down on the bench and stepping up on the treadmill.

He got up on his, and they started out walking at the same pace, chatting about the party, comfortable, old friends, old lovers.

“I’m leaving you in the dust, Dan,” she said, turning up the speed. “Don’t have a heart attack trying to keep up with me.”

“I wouldn’t even try,” he said, laughing. For half an hour, they ran side by side, Pam about twice as fast as Dan. “See, we could never do this on the beach because you would leave me in the dust.”

“Will you have coffee with me?” she asked, slowing down the machine.

They walked a while to cool down. “I’d love to have coffee with you. But not at Adam’s place. I don’t want to have to deal with Lily right now.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you down the road at the 7-Eleven. I love how clandestine that sounds.”

“Jake won’t mind?”

“Not at all,” she said. “He headed home. I think he had enough party time, and with my mother and mother-in-law monopolizing the space, it was time to go. Plus, he wanted to see his mother and tell her the news. I was going to go, but at the last minute I thought it was better for her to have him one hundred percent.”

“How sad.”

“Yes. I need to freshen up. I’ll see you there in half an hour.”

He nodded to her. Pam. She had a rough road ahead of her. How many losses could a person have before they shut down completely from human interaction?

Guilty for having added to her heartbreak over the years, he vowed at that moment,again, to clean up his act. Maybe the thing with Lily was a good thing. She’d kept him from carousing for a while. He would see how long he could stay single and celibate.

In the locker room, he rededicated himself to the idea that he could be alone. Letting the hot water beat down on his aching muscles had the same effect on him as the weight room did, peace. He could do it. It would be hard, but he was strong. It would be a test. Drying his hair with a towel, his phone beeped. He picked it up and saw Lily’s number. He was going to face it head on.

“Hey,” he said. “I’m just leaving the gym.”

“Do you want to come across the street for coffee? I’m caught up, and we can talk. Hocus is babysitting with Pam’s mother, so she’s not here to snoop.”

“Ha, that’s funny,” he said, laughing. “Lily, I’ve thought about it, and I think we should call it a day. I want to try it alone for a while.”

“Dan, just like that? We had such a good run!”

“We did, but I think we have some insurmountable differences, as you pointed out, and frankly, I’m not interested in trying to compromise. Let’s just continue to be friends if you want, and if not, I’m sorry.”

“Wow! That, I have to say, has taken me by complete surprise.”

“It just shows how important our words are. Some things can’t be taken back.”

“Dan, fuck off.”