Page 44 of Sexual Healing

“Let’s,” he said. “I’m anxious to get on the terrace with a book.”

“That’s what you should do, then, and I’ll be right next to you. I’d better call Lisa and make sure my nanny showed up.”

Lisa wanted Brent to stay with her and the boys. After lunch, Dan was going to take the boys for a hike on the beach and wanted Brent to come along.

“Thank you so much. Andy Roman is still here,” she whispered. “It’s friendly; just in case anyone asks, he slept upstairs. I think he wants to take his time because his wife hasn’t been dead that long. He asked to stay till Tuesday.”

“Sandra, that’s great. He’s a nice, decent man.”

“If Brent gets to be too much, send him home,” she said, wanting to change the subject. “But in the meantime, thank you!”

She went back to the kitchen.

“Do you have travel mugs?” he asked. “I’ll fix coffee to take.”

“Right above the coffee pot,” she said, pointing. “There must be ten up there. I’m always losing them, buying another one, and then finding the lost one.”

“Do you mind me going in the same clothes I wore all day yesterday?”

“No, if you don’t mind me going out in spandex and a ratty T-shirt.”

“What does it say?” he asked, pointing to the front of her shirt. Then he read, “Marymount Manhattan,” when she pulled it out so he could see.

“Oh god, all girls? Did the nuns beat you?”

“Ha! No, they did not. They were very loving.”

“My experience at Catholic school was different, but I was younger, too.”

They got into his car for the trip. “Let’s go to a different town,” she said. “I don’t feel like running into anyone in Babylon. We can go to Walmart if you don’t mind Walmart underpants.”

She laughed so loud, it was unfamiliar to her own ears. “God, I haven’t laughed like that in a long time.”

“Walmart is great. I don’t get to one very often.”

The arrived at the store and took their time, pushing a cart up and down the aisles, getting everything that struck their fancy, including fun summer clothes for Brent and toys and flip-flops, all kinds of beachy things. In the food aisles, they stocked up on salad stuff and roast chicken, items for sandwiches, including fresh bread they watched the baker take out of the oven.

Back home, they continued their domesticity and put everything away after making lunch. The terrace was a little farther from the water’s edge here than at Pam’s house, but they liked it. It gave them privacy to eat and relax under an umbrella. Having their first kiss, then pushing their lounge chairs together, they fondled each other under a blanket.

“In normal times, I’d drag you to bed,” he whispered in her ear, pulling her body to his. “But I want this to last forever, so I’m going to resist.”

“I’ll take your lead,” she said back to him, kissing him again.

Sliding her arms around his body, she held on to him, willing her feelings to sort out, the numb, hidden parts that had been damaged by the men who had hurt her. She’d had good relationships, too. Why not let those experiences have more impact?

They lay back and watched the waves coming in. “I had a good childhood. There is no reason why I made so many bad choices as an adult. I wish I had an excuse.”

“You’re too hard on yourself,” he said. “We reach an age where we just have to let things go. It doesn’t pay to keep beating ourselves up over the past. Today is a new day. I want you, Sandra. I can’t remember the last time I was this content. Maybe the setting is adding to it, but being with you, well, it’s pretty wonderful.”

“I’m not all that,” she said, frowning. “I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed when you really get to know me.”

“Look, you’re an adult. You don’t have a slew of boogiemen that I have to help you overcome. That’s an exhausting way to navigate a relationship. I feel like you and I are on more equal footing than I’ve had in the past. I don’t want to say too much because I don’t want to betray my late wife. In time I can share with you, but right now it’s not important.”

“I know what you mean,” she said, stretching to kiss him again. “You don’t have to say anything about her.”

“We seem to be on the same page,” he said.

“In what way?”