Page 75 of Was I Ever Here

“Tell me how it feels to die.”

Byzantine looks over to me, a soft smile across his beautiful face as if he’s not even surprised I’ve asked him that question.

“What?” I ask.

He chuckles and squeezes my hand in his. “Nothing.” He looks back at the sunset, still smiling.

“So?” I scooch my chair closer to his. “How does it feel?”

“Cold.”

“Could you tell you were dying?

“I wasn’t really lucid but yeah I could tell I wasn’t going to survive.”

“Did it hurt?”

“You mean this?” He rubs his scars distractedly and I nod.

“I think I was in shock—I don’t remember the pain.”

I swallow hard. “Do you think my sister suffered?” My voice cracks and I hate how broken I sound.

Byzantine peers over to me, sadness pulling his eyebrows downwards.

“Come here.” His voice barely perceptible over the sound of my own thoughts.

This time I don’t resist and I stand and curl up into his lap, my head finding the crook of his neck as I feel him sigh deeply. He strokes my back in a long slow motion as we sit in silence, gathering my hair and pushing it off my shoulder so he can kiss my neck.

“No,” he finally says. “I don’t think she did, my little sun.”

I stay silent, deep in contemplation before asking my next question. “What was the rest like?” I can feel Byzantine shift in the chair as if my question makes him uncomfortable.

“It’s hard to explain. What I saw…it’s beyond words. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain it and do it justice. What I do know is that it changed my perspectives on a few things.”

I sit up to properly look at him.

“Like what?”

Byzantine stares into my eyes as if evaluating how to answer or how much to say.

“Reincarnation,” he finally says.

“Oh?”

He clears his throat. “I saw myself in other bodies, living completely different lives than I am now.” I can feel a slight tremor in his hands clasped behind my back. “I can’t tell you how I knew it was me.” He leans close for a kiss as if chasing the comfort of my lips. “But I just knew.”

The need to kiss him back overwhelms me and I welcome it. I lick the seam of his lips, eager to dive deeper,digdeeper and he lets me in, his arms squeezing me tighter. I wish I could just melt inside of him. Close never seems to be close enough. The way I feel for Byzantine scares me but right now I embrace it, let it fuel our kiss like our first and last and all of them in between.

Finally, I pull away. My lips hum with the taste and touch of him. I try to catch my breath as I search his light green eyes for more answers. More. Always more. His gaze is hollow as if lost somewhere else. Haunted by memories he’s unwilling to part with or speak out loud.

I could ruin this moment, and I almost do. The twinge in my heart asking for Byzantine to acknowledge how much shutting me out makes me feel but instead, I simply say, “I believe you.”

His smile is heavy with relief. It’s enough to quell my insecurities for now as I lean back in for another time-warping kiss, the sun finally finding its rest behind us.

Chapter 42

Sunny