Page 81 of Was I Ever Here
I’m trying not to overthink what he’s saying, but the sense tickling at the edge of my mind resembles too closely how I felt before I discovered River had died.
Like a part of me already knows what Byzantine is trying to tell me. Like a subconscious piece of me has unlocked the future but is unwilling to inform the rest of me. Unwilling to face the truth.
It takes a moment for him to answer, but what he says next feels like walking on a landmine, knowing that as soon as I make the decision to step off of it, my whole world will explode.
“Sunny…I don’t know how else to tell you but…we’ve known each other for lifetimes.”
I blink rapidly, trying to process what he just said and when it finally sinks in, my first reaction is one of pure disbelief, simply laughing it off.
“Byzantine, stop joking. This isn’t funny.”
“I’m not.”
I unbuckle my seat belt and swivel around in my seat to face him.
“What are you trying to get at?”
“I know this sounds crazy but you need to hear me say this,” he clears his throat, seeming uncomfortable sitting here across from me, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “We’ve been here before, at this very cliff…but we weren’tus, it was…well, it was in another life,” he finally says.
His words ring in my ears, my heart squeezing so tightly it feels like I might actually die.
I’m not ready. I’m not ready. I’m not ready.
So instead, I turn irrational.
Like prey trying not to get caught.
Before Byzantine can even react, I yank the door open and escape, heading for the small copse of trees at the bottom of the cliff. I must have surprised him because it takes him longer to catch up than expected.
His hoodie I’m still wearing catches on branches but I just power through, my irrational turning almost obsessive. I don’t even know why I’m running, but I can’t help myself. Every cell in my body is yelling at me to get as far away from Byzantine as possible, if I know what’s good for me. If I don’t want my entire world to upheave from just the sound of his voice alone.
“Sunny, wait!” he yells, finally reaching me and dragging my body around to face him, his hand digging into my arm. The fear written clear across his face makes me stop struggling in his grasp and he takes the opportunity to push on. “I told you this already, I saw things when I almost died. I sawus, I know it sounds like I’m making all this up but you have to believe me. We’re connected—our souls…this isn’t the first time we’ve met. I knew the second I saw you at Sammies.”
My skin sings with the truth of his statement but I refuse to listen, refuse to believe such insane proclamations, so I hold on to the one thing that makes any sense.
“So you’ve been lying to me this whole time?” I say through gritted teeth.
“Sunny…” His tone full of regret, his fingers loosen on my arm and somehow I manage to push him away. Or maybe he’s the one who lets me go, but whatever it is, I take the opportunity given to me, turning away from him and run.
Running feels more metaphorical than literal right now but still, my feet pound into the soft grass, pushing me up the slanting hill and I manage to get close to the edge before Byzantine can stop me.
I try to catch my breath, turning around to find Byzantine frozen behind me as if witnessing something truly horrific. Then suddenly, like a stormy cloud opening up right atop my head, soaking me to the bone, the vision from my recurring dream slams into me.
The cliff.
I glare at him—angry, confused, lost, frightened—the slew of emotions fighting against one another while I grapple with my sudden realization.
“Tell me why this cliff feels so familiar, Byzantine.”
He seems to try to find the right words, chewing on them before swallowing them back down as he takes a step forward, arms up in supplication. As soon as he moves, I take a step backwards and he turns to stone, the same fear tattooed into his pupils as if he believes I’m about to jump.
“You died here,” he says bluntly, his expression momentarily lost, like he’s recalling a painful memory. “Long ago…”
I tilt my head over the edge, staring at the waves crashing on the jagged rocks below while I take in what he just admitted.
“Did I jump?”
“You…fell,” he sighs, his arms dropping to his side. “But—initially yes, that had been your intention.”