Page 46 of Love Unexpected
“Stop,” I tell her, and as gently but as forcibly as I can, I pull her off of me. “This was a mistake.”
“Wha—what?”
“You and me.This,” I tell her. “I can’t think like this.” I begin to pace back and forth in front of the bed as I can see the emotions written all over Stassi.
“You don’t…you regret doing this with me?”
“No.”
“That’s what a mistake is, Dominic. Something you wish you hadn’t done. Didn’t you go to graduate school for English, Principal Callahan?”
If I wasn’t so completely fucked up from this situation, I would find humor in her sarcasm, but I feel like a volcano ready to explode and I know I need to get away from Stassi before she’s caught in the explosion.
“I need to take a shower. You should start getting ready.”
“Are you serious?” She stands up. I try to ignore the slickness between her legs that is a mix of both of us, but my eyes jump there on their own and my mouth waters for a taste.
I am in fucking hell.
“Fuck you, Dominic. Fuck you and fuck this. You’re so freaked out about something that no one is EVER going to know about!”
“I KNOW ABOUT IT! Isn’t that enough?! Is your moral compass that fucking skewed that you don’t feel bad at all about this? Is your pussy really blurring your conscience that fucking much?” I snap and instantly regret taking that tone or using those words. I’m not angry at her, and I’m not angry at her for not showing her guilt. I know she feels guilty. She knows this is wrong. She just asked for one more time. She wanted closure.
This is why I want to get the fuck away from her.
The tears threatening to fall down her sweet face shatter me, and when I take a step towards her and she takes a step back, she grabs the sheet and wraps it around her naked body to shield herself from the pain I’ve flung at her.
“Stassi…I didn’t mean.”
“No, you meant it.” She shakes her head. “I get it, okay? You feel guilty, but don’t take that guilt out on me because you certainly weren’t feeling that when we were sixty-nine-ing on the floor downstairs or when you pinned me to the floor of the shower and full on mounted me like a fucking animal. The fun is over, and the shame or whatever it is, is washing over you and you want to lash out at me. I feel guilty, yes, but I also feel…so many other things. Maybe in five or ten years, I’ll hate myself or you for doing what we did, but right now I’m just trying to process everything, and right now I’m processing the fact that the man I lost my virginity to, who also happens to be the man who claimed to love me, is telling me that what we did was a mistake. ThatIam a mistake, so forgive me for not rolling over and taking that bullshit because you’re better than that and so am I.” With a shaky breath, she marches out of the room without another look back at me.
Stassia hasn’t said one word since she stormed out of my room and now we are preparing for an eight-hour car ride that I imagine will be icier than the Arctic. I’ve just finished packing up the car when she comes down the stairs, furiously typing into her cell phone and I take a second to admire how beautiful she is. Not sexy or gorgeous or hot, all words I’ve used this weekend. But beautiful, inside and out. A remarkable young woman who I’ve had the honor of seeing grow up before my eyes. My stomach turns at the thought. The thought that I’ve been present for yet another one of her firsts. A first I had no business being a part of. She’s wearing her tiny white cheerleading shorts and a black t-shirt that’s tied just above her navel, making her a walking fucking temptation.
I briefly wonder if she’s torturing me on purpose for my choice of words this morning. My thoughts are further proven when she slides into the backseat and all but slams the door.
I open the driver’s side door. “Not sitting up front?”
“Nope.”
“Why?”
She looks up from her phone and pulls her sunglasses down revealing brown eyes with a spark of mischief behind them. “Stupidity isn’t a good look on you, Dominic.” She slides her sunglasses back up over her eyes and slides her air pods into her ears effectively ending this conversation.
Okay, anger it is. Anger I can take. If she’s angry it means she won’t try to tempt me.
At least I hope so.
About three hours later, I feel a cramp in my leg and figure it’s the perfect time to stop to grab some water, use the bathroom, and stretch my legs. My eyes move to the rearview mirror and I aim it towards Stassi, only to find she’s asleep. She’s removed her sunglasses and I see her thick full lashes fanned out over the tops of her cheeks. I watch for a few moments as her chest rises and falls with every breath she takes. I reach my arm towards her and shake her knee lightly to wake her up. Her eyes pop open and I see the disorientation in her sleepy eyes. “What?” she says, but her tone isn’t sharp or angry.
“You want something from here? Or to get out for a second?”
“How far away are we from home?”
“About another five hours.”
“God, seriously?” She rolls her eyes, opens her door and gets out on her side. I do the same.
“Stass…” I start and she puts a hand up as she walks into the rest stop minimart. I trail behind her and watch her pick up a water, pretzels, and Skittles—her favorite car ride snacks—and I grab a Red Bull and a water. She leaves her items on the counter and storms back out without another word.