Page 21 of Forbidden Cowboy

“Sorry,” I said, preventing a creeping stutter in my voice, “I forgot you’re using this bathroom.”

“It’s okay!” She replied brightly, and my heart squeezed, “I’m just gonna brush my teeth and I’ll be out!”

I thanked her and walked away, knowing I wasn’t going to go back to that bathroom when she was done with her teeth.

She made a full and hearty breakfast each morning, allowing Anna to decide what she wanted. After the two of us living on Cinnamon Toast Crunch, orange juice, and black coffee for a couple of years, this was a nice change, but I worried occasionally about the effect it was going to have on my waistline if I had someone cooking for me every morning.

Sierra went above and beyond what was required of her. She took Anna to school, and in the interim hours, she cleaned, even after I told her I had a maid come in a couple times a week for that exact reason. She claimed it took her mind off things, and only when the house was spotless would she leave and go sit with her brother.

There was more life to her face these days. There wasn’t the constant line of worry in her forehead, and I wondered if it had something to do with having a semblance of a normal life. Whatever it was, it was good to see.

There was no change in Beau, except that he was slowly on the up and up. Every night I asked Sierra about him, and every night, she gave me whatever miniscule update she had received. And so, our first week together passed, and it almost scared me how well the three of us fit together, into this routine, into this life. It was like Sierra was meant to be with Anna and me, and I had to stop every train of thought like that in its tracks.

I had my chance, and I blew it.

And she had looked so beautiful that day.

* * *

I showed up to her graduation, because what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?

I clapped as hard as Beau when she crossed the stage, and her blue robes billowed around her. Everyone knew she was going to graduate with great grades, but that didn’t lessen everyone’s pride in her any less. The party was held at my ranch. A favor to both her and Beau.

We had seen each other less since my own graduation, and I hadn’t been able to talk to her about it. In the last year, everything had changed so drastically that I didn’t know how I might fit into her life. As she sat in a pale pink dress by the beer cooler, though, I knew I wanted to try. I wanted to tell her everything. How Eliana had shown up at my door in the middle of the night, a small bundle in her arms.

The news that I was a father, and she’d carried out her pregnancy in secret with the intention of giving up the baby for adoption. I still hadn’t come clean to anyone except Beau about that, and he had stuck by me and kept his own mouth shut on the topic. It was confusing to suddenly be a father at eighteen, without preamble or fanfare, but that didn’t mean I loved my newfound daughter any less.

I wanted to tell Sierra, to see how she reacted. I had thought, once, that maybe the two of us could have worked together, as a couple. I had been falling for her since I was eleven years old, and was ready to give up everything to be with her.

Everything except my daughter.

I carried her over the gravel of the driveway, and held her in my arms as we danced. She was light on my feet, barely weighing enough to create pressure on the steel toes. She had the brightest eyes I’d ever seen, filled with galaxies of possibility. Filled with all the opportunity of a graduate with nothing holding her back. Her parents were proud, her parents had told everyone they could that she had been accepted to Stanford to study sports medicine.

And then she confessed.

And I knew what would happen. I saw it play out, because I knew the kind of person she was. I knew what would happen if I gave even the slightest inkling of returning her feelings.

She wouldn’t leave for Stanford. She’d stay and help me learn how to be a father. She’d care for my daughter as if she were her own, in a way that Eliana was already neglecting. We’d probably never get to feel like silly teens in love, and the years would pass without her pursuing her education, and the two of us growing stale and bitter. Maybe we’d get married, and she’d resent how I’d held her back. Maybe we’d have a couple of kids of our own, and divorce would do nothing to free her from me. If I reciprocated her feelings, I’d ruin everything she worked so hard for.

If I truly loved her, I couldn’t do that to her. So, I rejected her, and I watched her precious, fragile heart shatter in front of me. She tried to play it off, but I knew, I could see the hurt on every inch of her face. I wanted to run to her at that moment. Beg her forgiveness and tell her everything.

I let her walk away, not knowing I would answer my front door only hours later to find a distraught Beau standing there, telling me his sister had run away, that she was gone, and he couldn’t find her. She said she was safe, and I couldn’t help but feel sick with worry until a week later, when Beau got a text from a new number—Sierra’s new number. One that she obviously asked him to never give out to anyone. I had no way to reach her without going through Beau, and I knew being in love with Sierra would feel like a betrayal to Beau. I couldn’t risk losing the other most important person in my life on the off chance she might listen to me.

So, I got married to Eliana, and I raised my daughter, and Eliana cheated on me. I wasn’t even surprised. It didn't even hurt, and then I knew that things would never work between us, so we got divorced. I took over the ranch while my parents retired to somewhere in Florida. I brought Anna up with as much love as I could give her, but watched her get crushed time and time again as her mother disappeared and reappeared on her own personal schedule.

For six years, my life became about Anna, about the ranch, about begging Eliana to just show up and be a mother.

But every night, I dreamed of hazel eyes, bright with possibility and potential, and I prayed that the girl I was in love with was somewhere amazing, doing brilliant things.

* * *

The more time I spent with Sierra, the more I found myself craving her attention.

“You’re going to be late,” she laughed, pushing me off towards the door.

“But it’s so good!” I said, biting into the waffle I was holding while she physically leaned against me to make me move. “Can’t I just stay here and eat waffles all day?”

“Daaaaaaad!” Anna giggled, and joined in with pushing me. “You have to go to work!”