Page 23 of Forbidden Cowboy
Why did her smile dothatto me?
“I do too,” I said.
“Does that mean you’ll have to go to New York soon?” Sierra asked, the implications of the contract slowly sinking in.
“Mmm,” I hummed thoughtfully, “maybe.”
“I always thought the city there must be beautiful,” she stated with a dreamy look in her eyes.
“It can be,” I agreed. “If you go to the right places. I always feel a little claustrophobic. I prefer to be out here.”
She looked off the end of the deck and into the echoing darkness of the fields beyond. The life of the city at night had always disturbed me, unable to see how anyone could feel peace in a place like that. With the brilliant light of the stars above raining down on me, and miles of stillness except for the occasional lowing of the cattle, peace was all I could know on my ranch.
“I like it out here. I’d like to see New York someday, but I like the way it feels like the world has stopped out here.”
“I’m glad. Does that mean you’re happy here?”
The question had sort of just slipped out, but my genuine curiosity prevented my retraction of it. Sierra pursed her lips like she was thinking, and a small vertical line appeared between her eyebrows.
“It feels really weird to say it with everything going on,” she hummed. “But yes. I think I’m happy here.”
“Good,” I said. “Then I’m happy too.”
The tension was still there, but there was something else. An acceptance of each other that I hadn’t known we’d been lacking. I could talk to this woman about anything. Not just the serious things happening in our lives, and not just the goofy displays we both put on for Anna. No, instead I could tell her about living in the peace of the countryside, and sit in the kind of enjoyable silence my own head had never been able to reliably create.
I was in deep, and I had no idea what to do about it.
Two days later, I got on a flight to New York under the guise of meeting with the Rinaldi family to discuss the contract renewal.
In reality, I was escaping the way Sierra was invading every aspect of my life, and I was letting her. Anna had cried and begged to come with me, but I had left her behind, under Sierra’s care, confident that the amazing woman I had come to know would be able to handle her. The two of them had grown close as well, with Anna’s mischief becoming tamer, and sticking to things like stealing an extra cookie, or pretending she hadn’t heard Sierra when she was told to clean her room. The way she both looked up to and also defied her new nanny was the same way I’d seen many kids behave with their own mothers, and privately, I enjoyed the fantasy of Sierra having been Anna’s mother. Sierra would never hurt her the way Eliana did. Sierra would never hurtmethe way Eliana did.
The flight to the East coast, however, it felt like Sierra was still with me. She lingered like a sweet perfume, and I wondered how I’d be able to shake it when she eventually decided to go back to her life in Denver. I knew our situation was temporary at best, it had to be. Despite what I had seen in her eyes, I didn’t believe she was going to allow herself to feel anything more than a friendship. Why would she, after I had rejected her?
New York was stifling, as to be expected for the end of July, and almost as soon as I landed at JFK airport, I wanted to be back amongst the rolling hills and cool breezes that helped stave off even the hottest summer days on my ranch.
I sheltered in the air-conditioned perfection of my hotel suite for three days, and only left to engage in boring meetings with investors and potential clients based in New York. I should have been stepping out and exploring the city while I had the chance to, since I probably wouldn’t make the trip for another couple of years, but I found everything feeling mildly gray and lackluster. Even though I had booked the trip to get away from my growing feelings for Sierra, I found myself craving her companionship every day.
On the third day, I sat on my balcony, overlooking the bright cityscape, and I called Sierra on video chat.
“Hey! How’s everything going?” I asked her as soon as the call opened.
“Not bad!” She said, and there was a genuine smile on her face, “I know you’re calling about Anna, but I’ve got news about Beau.”
My heart rose a little—she was smiling, that meant it had to be a good thing, right?
“Tell me,” I said quickly. “Please. Is he awake?”
“Not yet,” she said, a quick frown crossing her face. “But they said that his brain activity has increased! And he’s started having small responses to things—just in his fingers right now, but hopefully it will increase over the next week or so!”
“That’s amazing,” I gasped. “He’s finally getting a little better.”
“Yeah,” she said. “And I’ve been feeling better about not seeing him as much—obviously I want to be there when he wakes up, but I’ve been speaking to this grief counselor that works in the hospital, and she said it’s actually good for me to try and return to something resembling a normal life.”
“I agree with that,” I added. “You look… healthier. Not that you looked sick before, but I was worried. You were tense all the time, and I was afraid I was going to watch you wither away in that vinyl chair.”
“It’s all thanks to you,” Sierra replied sincerely, and the earnest look in her eyes made me glad I’d dragged her out of the hospital that day to help me with my errands.
Impulsivity had gotten me this far, hadn’t it?