Page 47 of Forbidden Cowboy

“If it’s what’s best for Anna, then okay. If it’s okay with you, I’m going to go back to my reading now.”

I nodded mutely, very confused at the interaction we had just had. She turned back to her room, and shut the door behind her. She never shut her door in the middle of the day. Never, in the past few months we’d started talking again, had she ever sounded so dismissive of me. While I couldn’t deny her the time and space to process whatever she was feeling, I also couldn’t say it didn’t hurt just a little.

I wished I could read her mind and understand exactly what was going through it.

Chapter Fifteen

Sierra

Itried not to cry.

I tried really, really hard not to cry. As soon as the door was shut behind me, though, fat tears began rolling down my face, and I felt myself crumple. I slid down the wall next to the door, and wrapped my arms around my head. I was so tired of feeling things. I was so tired of trying to tell myself that I couldn’t have exactly what I wanted.

I wastired.

Living with Anna and Wyatt was like a dream. I loved them both fiercely, and knew I’d do anything for either of them.

But it was just a dream.

At the end of the day, I was just Wyatt’s nanny. We’d had a couple of sexual interactions, but we’d never elaborated on them, and for all I knew, they could have been Wyatt using me as a form of stress relief. Sure, he loved meonce, but time had probably stripped that away too. I’d been gone for years, and I knew I wasn’t the same, pretty, free, happy-go-lucky girl he’d known in high school.

And what if he did have feelings for me? It would be unfair of me to try and force them out of him, not when he had his entire business to take care of, his daughter’s wellbeing to look out for, and now Eliana and her baggage. I couldn’t add to that; it wouldn’t be fair of me.

I wiped my eyes, and looked around. I wanted to get out of the house, but knew that wasn’t going to be possible without someone hearing my footsteps, without someone coming to talk to me (probably Anna), and as a result, seeing my puffy red eyes and tear-streaked face.

It was immature of me, but I knew how to get out.

I called a taxi and grabbed my wallet.

I opened the wide windows by the bench, and peeked out. The drainpipe I had climbed down my first week here was still there, a sturdy plant trellis next to it.

I scooted myself out onto the ledge, and then swung my body as I grabbed the drainpipe, so I was facing the wall.

I had put on a little bit of weight since joining the household. Not enough to make my clothes fit differently, but enough for me to notice when I was pressing my body as close as possible to the piping and wall.

Carefully, using the trellis as a support for my feet at times, I climbed down, and jumped the last couple of feet.

I landed softly in the wood bark of the flower beds below me, and straightened up, wiping my hands off.

Not even five minutes later, the taxi pulled into the drive, and I walked to meet it, sliding into the back seat and asking the driver to take me to the hospital.

I didn’t say much to Beau when I first arrived. I sat next to him with my head on his bed, just holding his hand and wondering when my life had gotten so messed up. I let tears fall from my eyes some more, and did nothing to wipe them away.

I got a text from Wyatt asking where I was, and I said the hospital, to which he just told me to text him when I wanted a ride home. He didn’t make any mention of my escape.

“Back in Denver,” I said, my voice sounding thick. “I had friends. The Larks team were all really good women, and I loved my job. I got up every day, and went to work, and then I would go home, and watch some television or do some research to stay up-to-date with the girls’ training, and then I’d go to sleep. I’d wake up in the morning, go for a run, stretch, and go to work to do it all again. I missed you, Beau, and I missed Mom and Dad and Gunnison, and most of all, I missed Wyatt, but it was easy. I could have done that for the rest of my life, I think.

Until you got in your accident. Until they fired me. God, Beau, things are so messy right now, and I really,reallyneed my big brother to wake up and knock some sense into me. Because I don’t know what to do, and Istill love him. I don’t want you to hate me, but I still love Wyatt, and I love him so much that sometimes, it hurts to breathe when he’s too close. And I love Anna. I don’t know why you never told me about her, but she’s absolutely amazing. She’s cute and mature, and she struggles with math, but still gets all her homework done. She loves princesses and horses and when she has a nightmare, she’ll crawl into bed with me because she trusts me. The two of them are just… everything I’ve ever wanted, and I fooled myself into believing they might be something I could have. It’s not fair on any of us for me to do that, but I don’t know how to get myself out of this situation, and ithurts.”

Tears poured from my now stinging eyes, coating Beau’s hand, and I just wanted to scream. It wasn’t fair. None of it was.

I felt movement against my palm, and immediately stopped crying, looking down in alarm.

“Beau?” I asked, standing and holding his hand open so I could see it. “Beau, do that again.”

His hand twitched.

I slammed my hand down on the call button for the nurse, wondering if this could really be happening.