Page 65 of Finding Fate
“How can you be sure? My dad has ways of getting what he wants. He’s not going to be happy about this.”
“I may have been scared the first time, but I’m not scared now. He can bring all he’s fucking got, baby. I’m not walking away. I won’t back down.” I splay my palm against her stomach. “Everything that you are belongs to me. You’re mine. Just because we’re small doesn’t mean we can’t win. In the Bible, David defeated Goliath, right?”
Her eyes soften, just like I knew they would. Gabby was raised somewhere between Greek Orthodox and Catholic, because her mother was Catholic, but her father didn’t attend any church regularly. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve used stories from the Bible as an example for things going on. In my household, the only thing that kept you out of church was a visit from death or knocking on its door. You had to be contagious to the health of others to get a pass.
More times than not, our upbringing comes out whether we want it to or not, but she’s always seemed to like it when I do. I think it just proves that I’m attentive. Gabby has liked having my attention since the first night she got it. Her eyes glisten with unshed tears. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed you over the years.”
I can barely feel the scraping of the needle against my flesh with her this close. I remember the way she looked when I asked her to marry me. I think it was a confounding event for both of us, and a relief in many ways. “Yeah, I think I do,” I tell her, and then I lean in just an inch more, and kiss her.
Thirty-Eight
Gabby
We pull through a large, fancy, automatic iron gate in Maddox’s truck, following behind Riggan and Sayler in her car—Riggan driving, of course. It made me laugh to see them play bickering in the parking lot as we loaded up about who was going to drive, and one thing that holds true about a southern boy is he’s not going to be driven around by a female he’s dating.
I have to give her credit, though. She tried to stand her ground with the whole ‘it’s my car’ thing, but it’s hard to take her seriously with the adorable round belly attached to her torso, especially considering I was a freaking whale with Madden in the end compared to my small junior size when I got pregnant. I only lost the weight so fast after he was born because I was basically depressed.
Sayler is all belly. It’s exactly what I’d imagine Barbie like pregnant, while the rest of us girls in the world roll our eyes and bitch that we got the short end of the stick in the gene pool department. The puppy eyes and pouty lip she gave him didn’t work on him either. If he’s not immune to her beauty—which I doubt—he has one hell of a poker face to avoid ever losing her. We girls do tend to work harder and stay put longer when we think we have to earn their attention. No one wants to be bored. Witnessing them together was like getting a rainbow after a storm of bad news. She showed up just as Riggan was covering Maddox’s tattoo.
I’ve stared out the passenger side window the entire drive, taking in more of Miami with every mile we gain. Just nothing to say. I think I’m still in shock. Trying to work things out in my head. Maddox kept my mind occupied during his tattoo between the chatting, the stares from him that have always melted me to liquid heat, and the kisses here and there. He was always good at that, but now, everything is catching up.
I would have never let Maddox come in me had I known there was a possibility I could get pregnant. Okay, before I’m judged, I know that the only way to truly avoid getting pregnant is abstinence. Everything else involves risk, and birth control does fail from time to time, but when it’s used like it’s supposed to be, it rarely does. Most failures result from user error and not product defect. One thing I did with age was wise up. I believe in learning from my mistakes to avoid repeating them—yet here I am.
With that, I never wanted to be on birth control. In the beginning, the thought of giving another guy something I gave Maddox was a turn-off for me so I didn’t need it, but realistically, I knew there was a chance when he walked away I’d lost him forever, and at some point I’d have to do it. After the hell I went through with my first accidental pregnancy, I knew I never wanted another one, so I didn’t argue when my father forced me on it.
Pregnant. What? It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t matter how many times I say it to myself either, because I can’t wrap my head around it. I want to cry my eyes out. I just got him back. We need an ‘us’ period. We need to actually experience being a real couple that does whatever the hell we want when we want before being strapped to a load of responsibility.
We aren’t ready for this. We have too much to figure out. I have no job and basically no insurance when it comes to this problem. My dad’s policy doesn’t cover dependent maternity—most don’t apparently. I found that out the first time. Everything came out of my dad’s pocket, and even if it did, the second I use it he’s going to see the benefit explanation come through the mail and it’ll tell him exactly where I am like a huge black X on a map.
Not to mention I have this unspoken fear of having other kids and one day our son coming to find us to see that we didn’t raise him but raised other children—his one hundred percent biological siblings. I would never want to hurt or anger him that way. He was worth keeping had I been given the choice. My dad is going to kill me. I’m giving him loaded ammo to tell me one more fuck-up I made. He loves rubbing that shit in my face.
My temple falls against the window, likely leaving an oil residue behind. I don’t care. I’ll clean it later. The truck comes to a stop, putting the massive house in my direct line of vision. It’s impressive, but I’m familiar with oversized houses compared to household size. I lived in one. People with money go bigger and more expensive more times than not, like it’s for some weird bragging right.
The palm trees catch my attention. They’re as common here as pines are in Mississippi. I do like it here. There is a certain vibe in coastal towns that you don’t get anywhere else, and the closer you get to the beach, the more you can smell the salt in the air and feel it in your hair.
Miami is such a vibrant and lively city, full of culture and nightlife I was excited to experience with the milestone of my twenty-first birthday. Maddox’s twenty-fifth is approaching. I’d even considered talking him into going to Cuba for the weekend at some point now that it’s open for safe travel after God only knows how many years due to their previous communist leader, which is something I’ve never understood—hating an entire group of people you don’t know personally.
Everything I’ve longed for with him since the day he left was at my fingertips. I was finally living. Happy. We were content to just be together, making up for lost time. It’s like fate stepped in and said no, you have to go back to the last place you were together and do it over again, only with a different baby.
Now what? A fucking disaster, that’s what. “Gab.”
The raw voice coming from the driver’s seat turns my head, alarming me. “Why are you really upset about this? We’re finally getting everything we ever wanted—each other. Now that the shock has worn off I’m fine, just like Riggan and Sayler both were after they found out, but you look like you’re walking in a nightmare. You’ve barely said anything since you looked up and saw me standing there with a test in your hand. Is the permanence of this with me making you have second thoughts about us getting married?”
Huh?
I blink at him, trying to figure out what I missed somewhere. He has that look on his face I’ve never liked. The one telling you something is bothering him. Every time he wears it, I’m taken back to that night at his school’s football game when he found out my age and tried to break up with me. If not for all the people there that night I would have cried.
It never occurred to me that my age would be a problem back then. I guess I was naive. We liked each other, were both teenagers, and was in a consensual relationship. How many years we’d been existing on the planet never crossed my mind. I’ll never forget that feeling of panic for as long as I live. I knew I had one shot to fix it. I had to remind him of the things that mattered, because Maddox is my everything. He always has been. It didn’t take me long to know he was the one I wanted to spend forever with, and that’s never changed. I’ll beat a girl’s ass before I let her take him. I’ve done it before. Maddox has the looks to draw girls in and the personality to hook them. Anyone that makes it to his perfect sized dick that he knows how to use isn’t leaving.
“Gab, a baby isn’t the end of the world unless . . .”
“What the hell are you talking about, Maddox?” I all but yell at him, my heart pounding like I’m anticipating and dreading a breakup speech at the same time. My nerves can’t take serious talks with him in trucks anymore. One too many bad memories are associated with it. “Why would I be having second thoughts about getting married?! Are you?”
“No! Don’t turn this around on me, Gabby. If I wasn’t sure this is what I wanted I wouldn’t have asked. I sure as fuck haven’t asked anyone else.”
“Well if I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t have said yes! Where is this coming from?” I ask in a panic, my tone quickly escalating. “I swear on my life if you break up with me, I’m cutting your dick off. If I can’t have it no one will. Your man-whoring days are over. They ended the day I let the hookers in training leave the house alive. Next time you’re going to be helping me bury bodies. I own you just as much as you own me, asshole.”
Ah, shit. The corners of his mouth pull up slowly, transforming his mouth into a wide grin that makes me weak, and before I can blink, he’s coming over the center console and grabbing the back of my neck, our lips soon colliding in the middle of the truck. Our mouths lock and tussle like two wrestlers on the floor, lips tugging and shoving. With every taste of his tongue I want more. He’s always been the craving I can’t sate, no matter how much of him I take.