Page 36 of Fear the Fall
Or I could just be satisfied that he’s not running.
My conscience can be such a condescending brat.
“The question is, did you fall for him?”
It’s the one question I knew he’d ask but hoped he wouldn’t. Isn’t it obvious? I fell from Heaven. For what other reason, given my story, would I choose that fate? This isn’t him not knowing. This is him wanting me to say it out loud. Needing me to admit my greatest sin.
“Yes,” I say, so quietly Zeke has to lean in to hear.
He whistles, and I glare at his reaction.
“I had my suspicions, but I never saw you being the type.”
I bristle at his words. “The type?” I grate.
“Sweetheart, stop. I don’t mean it like that. It’s just you’ve always been such an independent woman. It’s hard for me to hear that another man was enough to make you give everything up.” He sits up, back against the headboard. “If I’m being honest, I hate that a guy had so much hold over you.”
His deep frown and his arms crossed tightly over his chiseled chest give him away.
“You’re jealous,” I accuse, not able to mask my smile.
“Hell yes, I’m jealous.”
I lean over and place a kiss on his mouth. “Trust me, the joke was on me.”
Zeke relaxes, dropping his arms to his sides. “Will you tell me what happened?”
I groan but relent. “One night after I left him, I found Michael waiting for me back in Heaven. He dragged me in front of the council, and I was put on trial. They ruled that I gave my name. I argued it was given only under duress from the battle I’d just fought, and that the human had used it against me. They rejected my argument but spared me damnation. God stripped me of my rapier and banned me from fighting on Earth.”
“Woah, that’s... surprising. I’m shocked you weren’t banished right then and there.”
“If I had been one of the weaker angels, I probably would’ve been.”
Zeke winced, and I realized my mistake. He was one of those weaker angels.
“I’m sorry, Zeke. I didn’t mean it.”
He shook his head. “Don’t apologize for speaking truth, Tori.” He may have waved off my apology, but his tone was laced with bitterness. “Tell me how you ended up falling.”
I want to refuse based on his current mood, but instead, I allow the words to spill out.
“He was in danger and called my name. Having had it stripped from me, I didn’t feel the pull to go because of otherworldly powers. This time, I chose it all on my own,” I admit, lowering my head in shame. “I fell because I loved him, and I couldn’t allow him to die.”
“Love, then,” Zeke says, a hint of sadness underlining his words.
“At that time, I thought so.”
We sit in quiet contemplation for some time. I think back on all the moments that led up to that night. My brothers’ stern talks after my trial, warning me to fear the fall. Looking back, it’s almost like they knew it was inevitable but didn’t attempt to sway me.
If only one of them had shaken me and forced me to see the truth that I had been missing. I was about to fall for someone who could never truly love me back.
Zeke feels miles away, and I wonder if I’ve just put myself in a similar situation. Zeke might want me, but love is something else entirely. It isn’t an emotion that one chooses, knowing how harshly it can tear you apart when it’s gone.
No matter what happens between Zeke and me, this time, it won’t break me. That was already accomplished with the fall.