Page 55 of Fear the Fall
First
Right after Lukedid yet another disappearing act, the storm I’d been working on finally gave, reenergizing me. I did an hour HIIT workout, cleaned the loft, took a shower, paced the floor, and finally gave in and called Zeke. His voicemail picked up and I didn’t leave a message.
I’ve avoided calling out of sheer guilt—a new emotion for me. I don’t owe anything to Zeke, especially given his secrets, but I do feel guilty in general for the way I acted when Luke appeared. I didn’t conjure him, but I didn’t push him away either. A part of me wants to continue to lash out and blame Luke for my actions, but he didn’t do it. I felt no magically engineered pull. He didn’t cause me to act like I did. That was all me, and I’m ashamed. I all but humped his damn leg, the need for his touch so strong.
I’m ashamed because after everything, I still haven’t learned my lesson.
Everything is different with Luke. When I’m around him, he sucks the air from my lungs, while simultaneously serving as my oxygen. The strong emotions have been there with Zeke too. Butterflies, tingles, all of it. The pull I feel to each of them is night and day.
Where Zeke’s my calm, Luke’s my storm. Zeke soothes, while Luke’s pull threatens to undo me. One is safe and the other puts me in free fall. At least, there had been a sense of security with Zeke, up until Leeanna forced me to examine Zeke without the rose-colored glasses. I didn’t question my feelings for him, because I believed they were genuine. With Luke, I second-guess everything. Is he manipulating me? I question it because he has the ability to do such things. Now, both of them have me second-guessing myself.
My head and heart are at war as I battle my yo-yo thoughts.
“Ugh,” I yell, and the force of it echoes off the walls.
My phone rings and I jump toward it. Zeke’s name lights up the screen, and I can’t answer it fast enough.
“Where are you?” I say, forgoing a simple hello. He doesn’t deserve it right now.
“Hey, gorgeous. I’m on my way to Savannah.”
“Savannah?” I bark. “Georgia? Why?”
“One of the hunters you met at the death house got a tip. Apparently, there’s a coven in Georgia that knows what’s happening and I’m going down with Chad to shake them down.”
“You mean Nephilim,” I correct harshly.
“Yeah, well, you know. Old habits.”
“That was a really fast talk you had, if you and Chad are on your way to Georgia. I thought you were headed to Blaine?”
“Maeve intercepted me before I had time. She said I had to act fast.”
“Maeve? The redhead?” I shriek, wanting to come through the phone and single-handedly beat Zeke senseless.
“That’s the one,” he says hesitantly. “But she’s not coming along. I’m meeting back up with her when I get back.”
“Great,” I manage to muster through my haze of rage.
“To debrief with the whole group, Tor. Please trust me.”
Trust.
It’s funny how such absolute truths can be crushed in one instant. I trusted Zeke with my life, and he literally stomped on that trust and doesn’t even realize I know.
“Where were you before?” I sound like one of those insecure girlfriends who is always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I hate it. That’s not what this is. This is calling him—well, trying to—on his shit.
He groans. “Running errands.” Lies. “This is the first chance I’ve had to call you.”
My stomach rolls, knowing that he’s leaving out the part about seeing Leeanna. The secrets keep adding up. All of the insecurities I’m feeling boil over, and tears well in my eyes. These damn human emotions are for the birds. I wipe the tears away roughly and decide to call him on it.
“Are you sure you weren’t with Lee?”
“Baby, stop. What’s this all about?”
Now he’s diverting.
“Were you with her?” I press, needing him to come clean. Withholding this key piece means he’s not to be trusted, and that will break me.