Page 119 of Nights At Sea

Of course, this couldn’t last.

As soon as he’s got what he wanted, he’s back to being a domineering control-freak asshole who decides we’ll get married, so our baby is legitimate.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

How can I ever trust him again after this?

I pick up my pace, sweat covering my entire body by now.

Oh my freaking God, where am I up to in my cycle?

Without my pills, it’s easy to lose track.

Shit,when was my period?

I finished it a few days before I met Tiero… so I should get it next week.

Has my entire life been turned upside down in less than a month?! It seems much longer than that.

With my period due next week, I should be fine, right?

And I’ve only been off my birth control pills for less than three weeks… don’t some say it might take a while to fall pregnant once you’re off the pill… there ought to be residual chemicals lingering in my system, right?

God, is that me clutching at straws?

People have fallen pregnant while on the pill. Fuck,what am I going to do if I’m pregnant? No, I can’t go there right now.

Denial, denial, denial.

I’ll know within a week.

I feel so manipulated and played. Just like I felt when Tiero kidnapped me.

Why can’t he just talk to me like a normal person? Just because it was unlikely I’d agree with him, doesn’t give him the right to bulldoze all over me and make decisions for me that determine the rest of my life.

I must resemble Mount Etna or Stromboli. Red-hot lava is bubbling dangerously close to the surface, ready to explode at any moment, destroying everything in its path when the blast happens.

I can’t believe he did this!

Has he learned nothing from my reaction to his kidnapping?

And now he’s doing it all over again. Just this time, he’s kidnapping my entire future by knocking me up.

And just like before, he probably expects me to fall in line because he’s the boss and what he decides goes.

God, he’s got something else coming for him.

He must have a split personality.

There’s Tiero. He’s the one I love. The man I want… swoony, fun, tender, open, and vulnerable.

And then there’s Gualtiero. The mob boss. The don. Domineering jerk who demands obedience. Who manipulates and cajoles to get what he wants. I want nothing to do with him.

Gualtiero definitely dominates the scene. I wish Tiero would show up more often, but even when he does, he can switch back to his asshole alter ego in a millisecond.

Can I live with someone like that? Do I even have a choice?

And now I’ve opened the door to sex again.