Page 18 of Forever My Saint
I let it slip I was alone and locked in my room yet to see my baby aka Saint. I also revealed one down, four to go, which I hope he will link to the placement of bugs. As far as this spy stuff goes, I stink, but Pavel is smart. I’m certain he will piece it all together.
Once I was done singing clues, I sat on the edge of the bed, waiting…waiting for what exactly I don’t know because I’ve been sitting here for what feels like years. I’m dog-tired, but I can’t sleep. The thought of being vulnerable in this place turns my stomach.
I need to be alert and on my A game because I have no idea what Oscar has in store for me. Leaving me alone in a windowless room is yet another form of torture. I’m bracing for the worst, but I know nothing will prepare me for what’s headed my way.
Knowing Saint is under the same roof as I am and not being able to see him is the worst form of punishment. The not knowing where he is, if he is okay, and what Oscar has done to him kills me. Just thinking about him being here and not being able to touch him is more agonizing than any torture methods.
Resting my head in my hands, I slouch low and sigh. My life is barely recognizable anymore. When this entire nightmare started, all I could think about was going home. But now, I don’t even know if that’s an option.
I can’t go back to living a “normal” life because I am not normal—not anymore. Saint once expressed the same sentiment so many nights ago, and now, I understand what he meant. How can I live in the light when so much darkness saturates my soul?
But the thing that terrifies me the most is that I don’t fear the darkness any longer. I live for it. It’s where I feel alive and where I can be myself and live with all the atrocities I’ve witnessed and done.
A tear scores my cheek, weeping for the person I once was.
The lock pops free, which has me sitting upright and quickly brushing away my tears. I remain seated with my eyes focused on the door. When it opens, Oscar enters, but he’s no longer wearing his robe. Could it be I’ve missed another sunrise, missed another chance to be reborn?
“How did you sleep?” he asks how he would a friend who stayed the night.
“I didn’t,” I snap, hoping Pavel is listening in. “I want to see Saint.”
Oscar places his hands into his pants pockets. “And I want a unicorn,” he mocks, making it clear my demands won’t be met that easily. “Come. It’s time we spoke.”
I don’t want to go anywhere with him, but this is my chance to plant the remaining bugs.
Coming to a stand, I casually ensure the gum is hidden in my back pocket. It is. “Fine.”
Oscar doesn’t waste time and indicates I’m to follow.
My dirty sneakers contrast the soft white carpet as we venture down the long hallway. But I suppose I am more than out of place here in my ripped blue jeans and tattered sweater. Everything is positioned with military precision, which worries me. Where am I going to hide the bugs without detection?
Oscar takes a left and leads me into a dining room. Thankfully, it’s not the same one I was in last time I was here. Food is spread across the long table, but I’m not hungry. A maid hurries to the head of the table, pulling out the chair for Oscar.
I look at my surroundings, wondering if this is the main dining room. If it is, this would be an ideal place to plant a bug.
“Sit,” he orders, reaching for his crisp white napkin and placing it across his lap.
This will go a lot quicker if I just comply, so I take a seat two chairs away from him as being in his presence sickens me. I watch as he casually fills his plate with an assortment of food. It appears to be breakfast, which means I have been in this place overnight.
“Help yourself,” Oscar says, gesturing to the food.
I shake my head in response.
This is all a power play for him, and for the next few minutes, I observe him eat his breakfast, oohing and aahing at how delicious everything is and how I’m missing out. I would rather gouge my eyeballs out with the silver spoon than break bread with him.
He watches me closely over the rim of his white porcelain coffee cup. I’m not sure what he’s expecting to see because my infuriated expression hasn’t changed since I step foot into this hellhole. Once he’s done slurping on his coffee, he places the cup back onto the saucer and carefully dabs at the corners of his mouth with the napkin.
“So I’ve spoken to Astra,” he reveals, still gauging me carefully. “She was most surprised to hear about the latest revelations. However, she doesn’t believe you have no clue to Alek’s whereabouts. And quite frankly, neither do I.”
I remind myself to breathe.
“As it stands, though, you have something we want, and we…well,Ihave something you want. So it appears we’re at a conundrum with what to do. The only reason I have allowed you here is because we need the name of the supplier. Everyone is scared after what happened at Alek’s, and in a world where trust is already an issue, now it’s impossible to get anyone to talk.
“Alek was the one with the connections, which was stupid on our behalf to not show more interest in that side of the business. But we never thought he’d ever turn into”— he pulls a face as if he’s just eaten something rotten—“the pathetic little bitch that he did.”
Of course, I’m to blame for this.
“We grew up together. All four of us. Did you know that?”