Page 6 of Forbidden Eyes
“Come back to the house. Let it go.”
“I can’t.” It’s the truth. Something broke inside of me back there. The elastic band that’s always given stretched too far this time, snapped beyond repair.
“Well, you can’t stay out here.” He tries for reason, but I’m miles past that now.
“Why not? You'll follow me wherever I go. And I’m plenty capable of looking after myself.”
“And you're just as stubborn as he is.”
“It’s his fault.”
“I’m not taking sides.”
“Of course not. You know, Mom says you were a pain in her ass as well.”
“Your father has always been protective of the people he loves. He could have worse traits, you know?”
I listen to his words and wonder how my mother dealt with a similar stifling atmosphere for so long. She’s strong and smart, and yet she still loves him more than anything. Is that what helped her cope?
My footsteps click on the asphalt as I keep walking past all the familiar houses on our street. I’ve never walked along here before. There’s never been a reason to. If I wanted to get out of the house, the beach was on the doorstep. Torino's right. I can’t walk to the city, but I can’t go home. Not yet, anyway. I'm not sure if I even want to go back at all.
I have nothing on me, not even a phone, and with Torino walking in tandem with me, there’s nothing I can do because he’ll never do anything that goes against my father’s orders.
I'm alone. I'm always alone, but this feels … bigger. Mom would always come and tuck me in at night after blow ups, trying to explain Dad’s behaviour. She’d temper his demands and make me see a side to him that only wanted the best for me—my own little fairy tale, in some ways. But as I've grown older, it's become harder to believe. Mom’s hugs and reassurances that things would get better, that he wouldn’t be like this forever, never bore fruit. If anything, since I’ve been at university, it's gotten worse. She’d stand in my doorway with an apologetic look on her face, helpless to do anything about him. Well, she can have her helpless attitude if she must, but not me.
Not anymore.
The air cools after a while, and the evening slips into darkness. The balmy sea breeze still reaches me, but now goose bumps pebble my bare arms. I’ve been out of the house for less than an hour, and now I have little choice but to head back.
I stop walking and stand on the sidewalk as one person comes to mind. My brain races to string together a plan and my anger turns to nervous energy as I contemplate the repercussions. But tonight proves one thing: my father will never change, and so I have to. Simple.
My feet rush to get me back home. I don’t have much time. If this is going to work, I’ll have to leave in the middle of the night.
“You okay?” Torino asks.Screw him.
“Fine. I just want to be alone.” The classic girl excuse to cover any and every problem. Luckily, he buys it and doesn’t enquire for the rest of the walk home.
I don’t worry about entering quietly. I rush through the front door, grab my purse, and stomp through to my bedroom. No sooner have I shut the door than Mom’s knocking to enter. Dad never knocks. He just marches in.
Another thing to hate about him.
“Hey? I know things got out of hand tonight…”
“Stop it, okay? I know the drill, and it’s not enough anymore. Mom, I can’t live like this.”
She comes to wrap her arms around me, cradling me to her chest and gently swaying, imparting the sense of love and calm that she always gives me. “I know. And I’m sorry. He warned me when I was pregnant with you that he’d be like this. I thought he was overreacting, but as soon as you were born…” She kisses my head, her soothing tone taking the edge off my rage. “As soon as you were born, I knew he’d be irrational when it came to you. He loves you too much.”
“He’s impossible, Mom. You must see that.” Emotion sticks in my throat and I hate it.
“I do, honey. Just remember, he’s suffered a lot in his life and had his fair share of loss. That’s sculpted him to be the way he is with you. The way he loves you. And, we have to be strong to bear that love.”
But I can’t bear it anymore.
“He doesn’t tell me anything about his past. Or his business. He has me hidden away for protection, but there are so many questions about why. It’s infuriating, Mom. And painful.” I pull out of her hold.
“I’m sorry. Look, I know tonight was important, but there will be other parties, I promise. You’re so young.”
I nod. “I’m going to call Andi and go to bed. Is Dad still here?”