Page 41 of A Sorrow of Truths
Yes she does. She knows more about inside of me than she can possibly imagine. She knows how to wind me up, how to get inside my mind and change everything.
Beatrice’s head comes out of her office doorway, as I keep walking, her fingers dropping her glasses to look me over. “Gray?” she questions.
I keep walking passed her. “Nonsensical. Irrational,” I grumble, turning the last corner.
“Who the hell is that?” Hannah screams. “Is that her?”
Something hits my head, another wild hand trying to make a point of how much she hates me I expect. I don’t care. She can have all of that when she’s heard the entirety of the truth if she wants. Until then, she’s going to damn well listen and see what’s kept me away from what she wants of us.
The moment I’m through the first set of doors into the suite, I drop her to the floor and back off in the hope she’ll stop hitting me. My neck cracks, resentment building because of the pain she’s caused on my skin. Her mouth opens, another rally of curses ready to explode.
“Stop,” grates out of me. “Stop or so help me I’ll stop your mouth myself.”
Her eyes widen, body probably ready to run for it again. “Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Good little girls doing as they’re told? More heavy hands Gray?”
“I don’t give a damn about little girls. I give a damn about you, Hannah. I’m trying to show you that and you’re acting like one of Malachi’s brats. You’re not one. Behave accordingly.”
She laughs and backs up a few steps, her finger pointing and her breaths heaving. “Oh god, I hate you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I do. And I’m not hearing another word. I need to go. Leave. This is finished. There’s nothing in your heart. You’re empty. Cold. Barren. I knew that. And now you’ve proved it and I can’t even begin to …” She swipes at the tears in her eyes, smearing them over reddened cheeks and more tears falling. “You’re just like Rick, Gray. Nothing more. You lied and now everything’s bleak and desolate again.”
Sobs choke out of her, and I watch as her body begins to weaken. She slumps downwards to the ground, knees and hands splaying. “It’s no wonder everything’s dark around you,” she mumbles, looking at the floor. “That’s all you know. Darkness and lies.”
That’s not true in the slightest. Not anymore.
And it’s not true because of her and the light she’s brought.
“Go into that room behind you, Hannah.”
“No. No more, Gray. I can’t. I haven’t got anything left for you anymore. All the lies. The hidden truths. I just … I just want to go home and rest.” Every part of her gives in, legs scrunching up into a ball and cheek resting on the cold floor. “Dying would have been better than this.” Her fingers start tapping, drumming the floor. “You built me up, helped me change, for what? So you could tear me down again? Empty. Cold. Alone.”
She’s not alone. Whether I knew it or not, she wasn’t from the first moment I saw her.
I walk and pick her up again, scooping her this time rather than forcibly trying to contain her. She sags in my hold, eyes closing, as I press my back to the doors and open them. “Look, Hannah. You want your truths, here they are.”
She sniffs and shakes her head, exhaustion or perhaps self-preservation making her bury her head into my shirt rather than look at anything.
“Please, Hannah. Look.”
Slowly, and with a fatigued sigh, she opens her eyes. They blink at the light in the room and then stare. My hands begin putting her down, letting her slide down my body until she’s on her feet again and standing so still everything around her seems to move. I back away from her, giving her the room to assimilate information and process the clinical walls and the bed at the centre of the room. No noise. Barely even a breath from her as she takes it in.
“Is that her?” she eventually asks, as I watch her.
“Yes.”
She moves slowly, treading carefully as if she’s a trespasser in the room. She is in some ways, but I’d have her trespass over me any day of the week. I smile and think about her in my apartment, of feeling her there before I actually knew she was in the rooms with me. “Ten years ago I went to seeRigalettoin Vienna. It’s what the elite kids do, even if they’re not interested. Anything to been seen in the correct circles. But rather than watch it, or be involved in it like I should have done, I got involved with a server riding me in my private area instead.”
I growl at the thought, and watch as she moves again and sweeps her gaze over the woman lying on the bed. Her fingers clutch her arms, as she looks back at me, a frown on her face. “Heather was that server, Hannah.” She looks back at her, softening her features slightly.
“What’s wrong with her?”
“Something I can’t cure, no matter how much I want to.”
“So, you do have a heart.”
“Not for her. I want her awake for reasons other than love. But she is my wife, and, like you, the thought of adultery disgusts me unless mutually agreed.”