Page 115 of A Dark Fall

She goes from looking shocked to looking sad to saying nothing for a short while. Finally, she shakes her head. “God, Alex, that is ... complicated.”

I nod. “Oh, and that’s not even the worst part. The worst of it is that I’m in love with him. Totally in love with him. I mean, that’s crazy, isn’t it? How can I be in love with him when I don’t even know him? I’ve fallen in love with someone who keeps things like this from me. I’m an idiot.”

She takes a deep breath before speaking. “Ugh, you’re not an idiot, babe. Love is weird like that. You’re an adult. A smart, intelligent woman who knows her own heart and her own mind. You knew Ben wasn’t right for you. You bloody knew it. You knew it way before he started screwing around on you.”

I frown. “This isn’t about Ben, Rob,” I tell her.

She raises an eyebrow, skeptical.“Right, but that prick hurt you. Then this sexy, exciting nightclub owner comes along, and you want to forget about how he made you feel.”

I think about this. Was I easy prey to Jake because of Ben?

“It’s not about Ben. It’s about Jake.”

She takes a deep breath. “If you love him—if you really love him—then you have to find a way to understand why he’s done this. And forgive him for it.” It sounds so easy when she says it like that. “Now, I don’t advocate that approach for cheating pricks like Ben Cooke. But this isn’t the same.”

“You think secrets are fine then? As long as they don’t involve cheating?’

She licks her tongue over her teeth as she thinks about it. “No, they’re not fine. But you can’t know everything about a person, babe. It’s not realistic.”

“You know everything about Dan,” I point out.

“Well, I’ve known him for ten years, so, yes, I know a lot of his secrets. What I don’t know, I ask him, and as for the rest ... well, maybe we’re all allowed to keep some stuff for ourselves, you know?” Somehow, I don’t think Dan’s secret habit of betting on the Grand National when he knows Rob hates horse racing is anywhere near the sort of secret Jake kept from me. I frown at her, but she goes on. “You knew Ben for years, and look what happened there. You never saw what he did coming. I mean, I never liked him a whole lot, as we know, but no one thought he was going to go and do what he did to you. Goes to show nobody ever really knows anyone like they think they do, Al.” She reaches across and lifts her water to take a sip. “Also,” she continues, clearly on a roll, “maybe the situation with the mother is complicated and messy and he didn’t want to terrify you with it. She sounds like a right horror.” She gives me a look of warning.

“If he doesn’t trust me with things like this, doesn’t it say I’m not important to him? I mean, didn’t it occur to him how much it would hurt me to find out about it later? If I found out about it like this.”

She nods. “He’s messed up there, and for that, he’s the bloody idiot. But maybe he thought you’d run at the thought of getting involved with someone with a kid. Some people would. I know you wouldn’t, but he didn’t know that.” She shrugs. “This is one thing, yes. A major fuckup on his part. But what about everything else? How he makes you feel. Does he make you happy? These are important too.”

“I wanted him to be honest with me, Rob. What other things will he keep from me because he thinks I can’t handle them?”

She sighs. “Trust comes with time, Alex. And from both sides. Show him he can trust you, that you’re not going to run a mile.”

I look at her sadly because Jake said those same words, and what did I do? I ran.

“Listen, seeing you with him the other night ...” She stops and changes direction, searching for new words before nodding when she finds them. “I’ve never seen you look like that before, ever. You looked ... serene. The two of you may as well have been alone in that room for all the difference we made. His eyes followed you everywhere, Alex. He watched you while you spoke, hypnotized, as if he couldn’t look away from you for a second in case he lost you or something. From what I saw, he cares about you, and he’ll know he’s fucked this up massively.” She smiles, her voice wistful and soft. “I mean, Dan and I have been together for years, and you guys looked like the about-to-be-married couple. So, he has some secrets. Don’t they all? Give him time to open up to you. You don’t know much about his past relationships or his upbringing, but there will most likely be an explanation there. Mark hated him, of course, but then who doesn’t Sherlock hate? He has an inherent distrust of every guy of a certain age who isn’t Dan. And even then ...” She rolls her eyes. Then her face is serious again. “But I think you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t fight for this, babe.” She nods a final time before picking up an edamame bean and popping it delicately into her mouth.

I stare at her, speechless. Did she seriously just figure Jake Lawrence out over a Japanese noodle salad when I’ve tried for weeks to do it? Everything she said makes it all seem simple and manageable. Give him time to open up to me. I do know some of his upbringing and past relationships, and there is some explanation there. I also know this kind of thing is new for him.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, a feeling of weightlessness overcomes me, washing away the heavy, oppressive anxiety that’s filled my body all week. It’s replaced a moment later by something else—something worse. Fear.

“What if I’ve ruined it?” I say.

She looks at me, frowning. “Youhaven’t done anything wrong.”

“You didn’t see him that night, Rob. He begged me to stay with him. Pleaded. But I didn’t—I left.” I shake my head, the fear gripping hold of me tightly. “Walked out of there and never looked back once.” I wasn’t able to. The pain and torment in his eyes almost killed me.

She puts her hand on my arm again and squeezes. “Listen, you haven’t ruined anything. You needed time to fucking think.Hewas the one who almost ruined it. And if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll have been sitting wherever sexy nightclub owners sit with everything crossed, waiting for you to give him another chance. He’s crazy about you, babe. It was obvious to everyone. Youhaven’truined it.” The conviction in her eyes is life-affirming.

I nod as I twist my hands together. “I haven’t spoken to him all week. I’ve not got a clue where his head is. It could be anywhere.” Between Gemma or Dawn from the elevator’s legs, for example.

Okay, that’s not helping.

“He’ll think he’s lost you,” she says. “Call him, Alex. Put him out of his misery. Put yourself out of your misery. No regrets. Remember?” She smiles, and I laugh out loud. We almost got matching tattoos on our first girls’ trip to Marbella that said “no regrets” but then realized we’d probably regret them.

“I’ll call him tonight.”

“Good, and don’t think about it anymore. I know what you’re like—you’ll overthink it, talk yourself out of it. But if you don’t call him, you’re going to regret it and overthink it for the rest of your life.” Her voice is as serious as I’ve ever heard it.

She’s right.