Page 28 of Kiss Me, Macrae
A shiver coursed through her as she closed her eyes. “Don’t say that. You cannot possibly love me.”
His sigh was heavy and deep. “Ye’ve the heart of a warrior, lassie. How can I do anything but respect and admire that fire inside ye? But I wonder if you’ve been fighting so long, ye canna recognize when there’s no need tae.”
“There’s always a need.” Her voice was sharp as she opened her eyes to stare boldly back at him. “I know better than to expect anyone else to fight for me.”
“I’d fight for ye, beside ye, with ye. Tae my last breath,” he replied gruffly, feeling the truth of it down to the marrow of his bones.
Her eyes searched his with intense and probing purpose.
Though his heartbeat thundered through his blood, Baird remained steady under her scrutiny. If she didn’t believe him now, would she ever? “I’d never hurt ye, Allegra. Ye can trust me.”
She stiffened and her eyes darkened before she replied in a flat tone, “Lucas said exactly the same thing.”
Frustrated emotion pressed up through his throat. “I’m not him.”
“I know,” she said softly, “but I’m still me. Trusting Lucas cost me nearly everything I cared about.”
Baird’s grip on his remaining control thinned to a thread. “So that’s it, then? Ye close yerself off tae anything else? What about love? What about growing old with someone who’d keep yer feet warm on cold nights?”
A glint of something he’d never seen before entered her gaze. “You want that with me?”
His laugh was harsh and heavy. “It’s what I’ve been saying, isnae?”
Her lovely features grew tense, her gaze introspective. “I’m not sure I know how to do that. I’ve been standing on my own for a long time. Even as a young girl, I understood the world wouldn’t easily provide the things I wanted for myself. I was never the docile young lady people wanted me to be. I was always too bold and outspoken, too ambitious, too assertive and confident. If I’d been born male, I’d have been admired and respected for such qualities. Instead, I was more often derided. But I couldn’t let any of that bother me.”
Baird stepped toward her. “It’s all the things ye just listed that make ye so bloody perfect.” His voice lowered. “For me.”
Hitching her chin in that challenging manner of hers, she asked, “And you think you’re perfect for me?”
“Aye,” he replied with absolute conviction. “All I need’s a chance tae prove I’m the man ye need…for now and forever.”
Careful not to touch her, he angled his body toward hers. When she didn’t lean away but tipped her head back farther to keep meeting his gaze, hope ignited inside him. “Ye ken what I want—what I’ve wanted from the start. Believe it or no, ’tis the truth.” Emotion flickered in her eyes and he sighed—a deep, heavy, soulful sound he just couldn’t hold back. “What I wouldnae give tae hold ye right now, lassie,” he murmured thickly.
Her lashes fluttered over her eyes as her lips parted. But she didn’t reach for him, nor did she ask him to reach for her.
With a sound of frustration, he took a step back. “I cannae keep doin’ this.” The longing inside him made him feel raw—exposed and empty. He ran a hand back through his hair and straightened his shoulders as he met her proud but wary gaze. “Ye ken where tae find me.”
Then he walked away. It was all he could do. If he stayed another moment, he’d give in to his urge to take her into his arms and kiss her until her fears disappeared and she believed in the fate guiding them. But he’d made a promise and he’d hold to it.
She’d have to come to him.
* * *
Allegra watched him slowly fade into the dark of night and the swirl of freshly falling snow. As soon as he was out of sight, a frigid chill soaked into her bones and an uncontrollable shivering rattled her from head to toe.
But Macrae hadn’t gone inside—he’d stalked off into the garden instead—so she stayed where she was. Maybe a part of her thought he’d come right back.
He didn’t and eventually the cold chased her indoors, where she quickly excused herself from the party and made her way to her bedroom. Susanna eyed her strangely when they exchanged good-nights, making Allegra wonder if the stunned feeling in her chest reflected on her face.
Eventually the warmth of her bed dispelled the icy chill from her limbs, but the trembling deep inside wouldn’t cease.
Sleep proved impossible.
Every word Macrae had ever said—from the moment he’d first opened his bright green eyes and muttered a thick “mornin’”—ran through her mind in a repeating litany. As the night drew long and dark, her body warmed with memories of his hands smoothing over her bare skin, his tongue exploring her mouth, his hardness pressing intimately to her softness. When she closed her eyes, she couldn’t escape the sparkle in his gaze or the flash of his grin. Or the way he tilted his head intently when she spoke. Or how he made her feel alive with expectation whenever he walked into the room.
As dawn slowly drew near, her thoughts shifted to quieter things—his grief and guilt when he talked of losing his sister, his loyalty and dedication to recovering and preserving a family legacy that had all but been lost, and the depth and richness in his voice when he’d declared himself a man in love.
With her.