Page 64 of Lawless Deception
“Jess, it’s time to go.” She gives him a nod and gets to her feet. Zak’s eyes rove over me, then to the half empty bottle sitting in the middle of the table, and his brows knit together and his jaw pops in concern.
As Jess heads out, I go to follow, but Zak catches my arm.
“What’s going on?” he asks, just as Jess turns back to us.
“I’m coming,” I tell her, and she continues on her way. “I told you earlier, girl talk, Zak. I need to go and say goodbye, so…” I look down at where his fingers are loosely wrapped around my bicep.
“Stop lying, Rox. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
“Don’t fucking talk to me about lying, Zak. You and Maddox have a fucking master’s degree in it.” The vodka is making it easier to say what I really feel. “I’ll stop lying when you start telling me the truth and not this half-cocked version of it that you’ve been spinning me since you dropped into my life like a heat seeking missile and blew up my world.” Damn, that felt good. I yank my arm free and hurry down the hall hoping that an audience will keep anymore confrontations at bay until Rick and Jess have left.
There’s a palpable tension among the three us of as I say my goodbyes.
Axel tries to shake my hand, but I brush his hand aside and hug him, careful not to hurt his ribs, several of which are almost certainly broken. I don’t miss the uncomfortable look that passes between him and Maddox as I embrace him and tell him to take care.
“Thank you. Be careful, Rox. There’s a lot you don’t know,” he whispers, but as I go to ask what he means, Zak pulls him away from me, giving him a warning glare.
Eva looks extremely uncomfortable and tenses when I hug her. She has absolutely no idea that we share a tragic past baring the same marks. Or how much both our childhoods were spent being hidden from men who wouldn’t think twice about harming us or using us to get what they wanted.
“I don’t understand why you’re helping us?” Eva admits as I let her go.
“I know you don’t. Just know that I have my reasons, and one day I hope to be able to share them with you.” She accepts my answer, if somewhat a little reluctantly. Questions swim in her eyes, but she remains quiet.
Fire lights my body as I feel Maddox and Zak watching me, no doubt with questions of their own, but ignore them.
There are no growls this time when I hug Rick goodbye, thanking him and squeezing him tight, but then the folded arms and standoffish stance of both Maddox and Zak is more than enough to voice their feelings on the matter.
When JJ steps up to me, I feel tears sting the back of my eyes, but she shakes her head.
“Don’t you bloody dare, Rox.” She closes her arms around my neck, and we hug like only two best friends can. It’s full of everything we want to say but haven’t and it’s meant to see you through till the next time.
“Be strong, Rox. Don’t let your heart or your head rule the other, just trust your instincts. Feel what’s right. And do not avoid calling me if you need me. I’ll be back here with a damn army in a second if I need to be.” Her words almost force those damn tears to spill over, but I hold them in. “You’ve got this. Love you, girl.”
“Love you too, JJ.” When she steps back, she hustles out the door without looking back. Cheeky cow telling me not to cry when she’s clearly bawling like a baby.
She finally turns to wave as the car pulls away up the drive, and waving back, I watch until the car is out of sight before moving back inside.
Of course, there’s a welcoming committee waiting for me when I do.
The vodka that JJ and I drank has had plenty of time to fill my veins with fire, and the fresh air has only helped it along.
“We aren’t doing this now or maybe even ever because you, neither of you, have any right to ask or know anything about the past ten years of my life. When you walked away you gave up that right.” I push between the wall of muscle attempting to block my escape, and I’m surprised when they let me. But I’m even more surprised when they don’t follow me.
Back in the kitchen, I suddenly remember Zak’s words from their office at The Scarlett Door and how they know every man I’ve ever been with. Surely that was just talk. But something tells me it wasn’t. My blood runs cold at the thought that all this time, all those years, while I was breaking apart, they’ve been keeping tabs on me. Why, why, why the fuck would they do that?
I hadn’t had much of a chance to process Zak’s lust filled confession last time considering what happened after, but now….
Feeling betrayed all over again, I snatch the bottle of vodka from the table and decide the best way to deal with this monumental nightmare is to get absolutely fucking wasted.
I make it back to my room without bumping into anyone, not even Maria. Quietly closing the door, I climb on to the bed and begin to numb myself with the gratefully appreciated assistance of my new friend, vodka.
I’ve made quite a dent in the second half of the bottle and feel adequately buzzed when I decide to have a makeover. Nothing cheers you up more than reinventing yourself, right.
Pulling out the severely lacking amount of clothes that I own, thanks to whatever bastard set fire to my house, I discover a white vest top with an anarchy symbol emblazoned on the front in red, which perfectly suits my mood right now, and a pair of black combat trousers, fuck knows why I bought them, they’re not my usual style at all.
I strip down and throw on the vest top and trousers, but I roll the legs up to my knees, and I even put socks and pumps on. I check my reflection in the floor standing mirror in the corner of my room, smiling at my creativity. As I stand there checking myself out, I realise why the clothes are so significant and why they work so well.
This is me ten years ago.