Page 105 of Pinch of Love
“Yeah?” she asked, standing and hobbling to the kitchen where she rinsed off her plate. “And when was the last time you fell for someone?”
She turned around and leaned against the counter.
I drew a deep breath as her eyes connected with mine. “My wife. She was the last woman I dated and swore to love the rest of our lives.”
Maya’s smile deepened. “And you still do. I can see the love, and it’s beautiful.”
I brought my plate over and rinsed it in the sink, placing it on top of Maya’s. I didn’t know what to make of Maya’s observations.
Damn it.
I felt stuck in the past, haunted by the ghosts of my own creation. I didn’t want to feel the pain and rawness of loss, yet it had eaten away at me every single day since Freya’s death. Rusty’s death was like a swift kick to the chops for the final act.
And then I met Maya, and the next thing I knew, Chewie came into my life. It was a lot of change all at once, and I didn’t do change.
I had my routine.
But Maya blew it out of the water. I looked over at her, and she was staring at the floor. I could tell she had a lot to say, but she didn’t say a word.
“You don’t think I’m over my wife,” I said flatly.
She turned, moving her gaze to mine. “I wouldn’t expect you to be, Cash. I would never expect you to be, honestly. She’ll always be a part of you. The part might change over time, but there’s no getting over someone you love.”
“Did you love Rob?” I asked.
Maya pressed her usually full lips into a thin line and let out a deep sigh. “I am embarrassed to say that I don’t think I ever did. I’m not just saying that because of present circumstances. I just never got that feeling of giddiness and rainbows and butterflies.” She shrugged. “I always chalked it up to one too many romantic comedies, I guess, that love like that didn’t exist.”
I wanted to shout and jump and say that kind of love did exist. I’d had it with Freya, and I never thought I’d have it again. But the feeling after years of nothing was starting to erupt again. Like this morning when I rolled over in bed to see Maya’s smiling face. The overwhelming swell of emotions made me kiss her as if I were about to embark on a worldwide cruise and wouldn’t see her for a year.
But it had been only one night.
Eight hours where I hadn’t kissed Maya, and yet that was the first thing I wanted to do.
I wasn’t kidding when I told Hunter that love would make me move. It was true. Would that happen with Maya and me? Too soon to tell.
“Why’d you get so quiet? Does that make me even weirder for being in a relationship with him for so long?” She hugged herself. “For wanting to be engaged to a man I didn’t actually get butterflies for?”
“It doesn’t make you weird. It makes you human, Maya. Sometimes, convenience gets in the way of love.”
She dropped her arms to her sides and turned to face me. “Why does it always feel like you’re inside my mind? The things I’m thinking, you manage to say before I can even articulate them.”
I shrugged, taking a step closer. “Same wavelength, I guess?”
Maya’s lips tipped up into a perky grin. “I guess so.”
“Serious question for you.”
“I don’t know if I can handle much more,” she confessed. “Between your brother’s girlfriend spread eagle in a buckthorn patch and her waiting in the wings to date you next, I can’t handle too much more thinking.”
I touched her cheek softly and smiled. “Fair enough.”
“How serious are we talking?”
I drew a breath. “Do you get butterflies when you see me?”
A few seconds of silence traded between us, and it felt like ages.
“It’s more like a stampede of angry rams are coming at me full steam, and I don’t know what direction to turn.”