Page 17 of Count Down
“Well, I think he’d like to throw me out of the house. But since he won’t be able to do that, he’ll probably just get really pissed off. I’m just not looking forward to the conversation.”
“What’s your father like?” Since we’re on the subject, I might as well see what she’s willing to share.
“He’s…” She scrunches up her face and looks to the back corner of the studio, thinking. “He used to be nicer. When I was younger, we got along better. Now he’s always so serious and stressed out. He always seems irritated or disappointed.”
“Hm. You think it’s his work?”
“I don’t know. Could be. Sometimes it seems like he doesn’t really care about me anymore. I do think he wishes he had a son. Or at least a daughter that would follow in his footsteps and his father’s footsteps. He’s got a brother, my uncle. And he always talks about how much of a failure he is for not going into law.”
“What does your uncle do?”
“He’s a doctor.”
I laugh. “Sounds like your father is hard to please.”
She cocks her head to one side. “Yeah. He is. But still… he’s my father. I guess your relationship with your parents is always kind of complicated. You know?” She looks at me, expecting me to understand her. But I’m one of the people that doesn’t.
“Actually, I don’t know what that’s like.”
Gina looks at me with a puzzled expression.
“I never knew who my parents were. I was abandoned when I was a baby.” As soon as I said it, I knew it took the tone of our conversation in a direction I didn’t mean it to. I don’t usually tell people that I was abandoned. Why would they care? Why would I want them to know? But for some reason I tell Gina.
“Oh. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up…”
“No. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”
“Well,” Gina adjusts the apparatus for my next workout. “Sometimes these sessions start to feel a bit like working with a therapist.” She grins at me.
“You saying I need therapy?” I grin back at her.
“Don’t we all?”
I enjoy spending time with Gina. She’s young, but she’s smart. I’m eager for her to stop living under the shadows of her father or needy boyfriends. I’m surprised that anyone has been able to keep her down as much as they have.
Once she knows what she’s capable of, once she recognizes the desire and skill she has, I don’t think she’ll have any option but to live her life her way. Oddly, I feel excited about the opportunities she has in front of her, even though I barely know her.
At the end of our session, I wish I had some way to extend it, so I don’t have to wait another week to talk to her again, but I can’t just ask her out. I shouldn’t be getting to know her at all.
She walks me back to the front of the studio. “Same time next week?”
“I’ll be here.”
“Don’t forget your bag.” Gina reaches down to pick up my gym bag from under the bench. At the same time, I started to reach for it. Both of us are bent halfway over to reach for it, our faces just inches from one another.
Gina’s eyes meet mine and her cheeks turn red before she looks down to the bag and picks it up. I watch her face as she hands it to me. She glances back to my face.
Without thinking, I lean in and kiss her. Just long enough to feel her press her lips back against mine. A short kiss goodbye.
When I pull back, Gina raises both of her eyebrows and the edges of her mouth twitch up into a smile.
“See you next week.” I turn, hang my bag over my shoulder and exit the studio without looking back.
In the moment, all I wanted was to kiss her. Now I regret it.
She looked pleased that I kissed her. And that makes me regret it even more.
I got lost in her energy. In her excitement and her opportunity. That’s not my world.