Page 47 of Keeping His Mate
“Varrek—” I shout, incredulous. How can he allow her this? Especially knowing what she is to me. “You cannot let this happen.”
“Bruvix, I have learned many a lesson when dealing with human females, and one is to step out of their path when they want something badly,” Varrek replies. “Denying them will only create chaos. And the clan needs none of that.”
I am ready to continue my protest, but Varrek turns to face Elle-noor with a somber expression. “Do what you wish with these tr’gorys, Elle-noor. But I urge you to consider the impact of you risking your life has on others,” he says, gesturing to me. “If this kind of mishap were to happen again, and you were not able to recover, think what that would mean. More importantly, who that would hurt.”
Elle-noor’s gaze finds mine as Varrek leaves behind Aye-vah, Kaiva making her way up the stairs to her home, and we sit there, looking at each other with heavy lids weighed down by stress of every kind. She takes my hand in hers and traces my knuckles. I let her as the contact settles me. She begins to cry, and I wrap my arm around her shaking shoulders, offering her the only comfort I can. I do not know where we go from here.
I should remain quiet instead of letting my feelings out into the air. But I cannot help myself. I am angry and scared of losing her. “Why do you do this? Why would you ruin us like this?”
“What are you talking about? How is this ruining us?”
Pulling my hand from her grasp, I stand. Then I run my claws over my scalp again as the thought of Elle-noor possibly dying tonight plays in my mind. “You put your life in danger, to-to bond with a creature that cannot speak to you? That could easily kill you? What is the purpose of that?”
Her mouth falls open, but no words come out. So I continue airing my grievances.
“Do I not make you happy? Am I not enough for you?” I whirl around to face her. “Because you are more than enough for me, Elle-noor. You are my mate. My inara. I have known it from the very first moment I saw you and breathed in your scent.”
Her chin dips in shame.
Throwing my hands up, I shout, “Have I not shown you time and again I would do anything, risk everything, to keep you safe? What more do you wish me to give? Tell me and I will give it.”
“Bruvix, please,” she begs softly.
But I am in no mood for calm discussion. “Would you like a piece of my heart? Say the word and I will carve it from my chest for you.”
“Stop yelling at me,” she grits as tears continue to stain her cheeks. “I know this doesn’t make sense to you, but this is the only thing I've ever been good at. I planned to spend the rest of my life helping animals. I was at the beginning of my career doing just that when I was taken and thrust into this life.” Her voice lowers, almost to a whisper. “I’m doing the best I can. I just...I just want to find my place here.”
I let out a heavy sigh, coming to sit at her side once again.
“I get that the mit’xcruul attack has changed your view of wild animals,” she continues. “I understand why you wouldn’t trust them, or any animal, to not treat you as prey. But I’ve had thousands of interactions with animals throughout my life, some wild, most domesticated, but all required the same amount of care, caution, and optimism. And I’ve only been hurt twice.”
“Twice?”
She clears her throat. “Yeah, tonight, and the time I tried making friends with a snake that was hanging out in my bathroom in Australia. That was an ill-advised, drunken endeavor, so I don’t really count it, but… you know.”
The message she is trying to communicate becomes clear, and I understand it, but I still do not like it. “So, because you have had more pleasant encounters than aggressive, you choose to believe these tr’gorys are worth caring for, and do not want you dead?”
“Yes.”
I nod because I have no more words to speak on this subject. It is clear Elle-noor stands firm in her desire to continue caring for the tr’gorys, no matter the cost. She wants me to trust her. She thinks trust is required to keep her safe.
She is wrong. It is not that I do not trusther. I do not trust her life with a bloodthirsty, wild creature. A creature that killed a member of my clan. How can she expect me to support her in this?
I cannot say if Elle-noor will someday become mine. Is there nothing more important to her than caring for these tr’gorys? I cannot watch her continue to hurt herself in this quest for a bond that does not exist. Tr’gorys are not meant to stand beside us. They are predators, and we are their prey, nothing more.
Elle-noor is the center of my world. She is my light, my reason. But if I am none of these things to her, I fear we are doomed.
CHAPTER 21
ELEANOR
“Fuck!” I shout under my breath as I drop another bowl into the soapy tub of dirty dishes. My wound is covered by a waterproof sleeve with several layers of wraps and healing gel beneath. It’s protected from the dishwater, so that’s not a concern, and Kaiva cleared me to resume my normal activities (sans tr’gory feedings) immediately, but a single twist of the wrist or twitch of the elbow can leave me doubled over in pain.
It wouldn’t have hurt to take a day off from dish duty, considering I was attacked by a tr’gory less than twelve hours ago, but the emotional pain of lying in bed, envisioning the devastated look in Bruvix’s eyes would’ve hurt a lot worse than this.
Picking up the bowl, I try again, keeping my bad arm as still as possible and using the muscles in my good arm to handle the scrubbing.
I can do thisI tell myself silently. I can clean the dishes three times a day, and I can find some other tasks to fill my free time. The tr’gorys will be fine on their own. That’s how they’ve always existed anyway, right?