Page 82 of The Duke Not Taken
Amelia was suddenly loath to have him go. “Thank you,” she said quickly before he could leave her with the candle. “I don’t think I’ve talked about so many things to one person in ages.”
He withdrew his hand from his pocket, and Amelia thought the moment was passing her by—she impulsively reached out and touched his fingers with hers.
Joshua froze.
She stepped closer and laced her fingers through his. She could feel the roughness of his palm against her hand. He didn’t resist her but he watched her warily. She wrapped her fingers a little tighter around his, then turned his hand over and looked at his palm. She touched her finger to the calluses. “Why are your hands like this?”
He looked at his palm for a very long moment. “I like to chop wood. I find it to be a better salve than a bottle of whisky.” He lifted his gaze; it settled on her mouth, stirring more trouble in her. She traced a line over his palm.
“What are you doing, Amelia?”
“I’m teetering on the edge of disaster.” She let go of his hand, then took the candlestick he held and set it aside. She was teetering, all right, and she would fall, and there could be no hope of saving her, and worse, she didn’t want to be saved and she wanted to take him with her. And he wasn’t doing anything to stop it.
Her thoughts felt like a million different pieces. Was this thing between them compatibility? Had she discovered it in Joshua when it had eluded her with everyone else? Could this feeling be more? Itfeltlike more. He was seeing her as she truly was, and only Justine and her parents had ever seen her like that.
She reached up and touched his face. “Before you say anything, I know I am wrong to touch you. But something happened to me today.”
“Quite a lot happened today.”
“I mean that a window was opened that has been sealed shut all my life, and I... I don’t want to close it.” She tugged his hand, forcing him to step over the threshold. He moved stiffly, as if he didn’t want to enter the room. She ran her hand up his chest, to his neck.
Joshua bent his head and looked her directly in her eye. “You are issuing an invitation and you should know now that I will not accept the offer.”
“Why not?”
“For all the obvious reasons. I am not in your queue. I have no desire for an entanglement or anything beyond that. You have very clear desires and a virtue and a duty that I don’t share. What sort of man would I be if I took advantage of that purely for my personal pleasure? Do you want me to go on?”
“For heaven’s sake, please don’t.” She couldn’t bear another word of denial from him, especially when she could plainly see his regard in his gaze. She wasn’t imagining it—she could feel it filling up the room around them. She rose up on her tiptoes and touched her lips to his. He didn’t resist her; he moved his lips against hers, accepting the invitation to at least a kiss.
She sank her fingers into his hair, then moved her hands to his shoulders, sinking her fingers into muscle. He could say what he liked, but she could feel his body harden against hers.
Then he slipped his arm around her waist and drew her tighter against his body and kissed her back. He kissed her like a man who would give everything up for pleasure, and she pressed against him, letting him feel that she would, too.
He cupped her jaw with his palm, and a thousand flutters of pleasure winged through her. He held her so tightly that nothing was left to her imagination. With one hand, he pushed the coat she was wearing from her shoulders and she let it fall. He cupped her breast, kneading it through the lawn fabric. She was beginning to drown in a powerful desire—she wanted to be beneath him, to feel his weight on her and in her. She wanted to give her body everything it had been craving.
He moaned, dipped down to kiss the hollow of her throat. She was completely disarmed—he could have his way with her, do whatever he liked, and she would come along for the thrill of it. She raked her fingers through his hair, pressed against him, tried to convey that she wanted him to surround her and take her on his adventure tonight, to places she’d never been but was desperate to know.
She was ready, too, her trunks packed, her mind already at the train station. But when she reached for the cord that held the breeches on her, he caught her hand. He pulled it away so that she had to let go of the cord. He cupped her face in both hands and kissed her tenderly, then lifted his head to the ceiling and let out a loud groan.
He slowly dropped his hands from her and stepped back.
She was dizzy with want and she couldn’t think for a moment, couldn’t grasp what was happening.
Joshua rubbed his nape. He gazed at her with an expression of pure torment, taking her in from the top of her head to her bare feet.
Amelia understood how these things worked. She understood why he refused to be her lover even though he obviously wanted tobeher lover. She folded her arms across her chest. “I won’t pretend I’m not disappointed.”
He smiled sadly and touched her cheek, caressing it. “I won’t pretend, either.” He brushed his fingers against her temple. “You really are quite beautiful, Amelia. If I was any—”
“Please don’t say it,” she said, before he could make an excuse. “Please?”
He sighed. He took her hand and brought it to his lips, let his kiss linger a moment too long. “Good night, then.” He turned away from her and walked out the door, shutting it quietly behind him.
Amelia stood there for a long moment, trying to will him back. He was right to leave her, of course he was, but tonight, she didn’t care about propriety and decency. It was just her rotten luck to want the one man who refused to be, as he said, in her queue. He didn’t care that she had a terrible regard for a virtue she’d been taught to protect with her life until some magic moment she was supposed to leave it behind. She just wanted that man. She wanted to be with someone who could abide her, who clearly wanted her, too. She wanted to be set free to run unbridled, with abandon.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
THENEXTDAYwas bright and crystal clear, without a single cloud in the sky. Iddesleigh and Lady Aleksander arrived at Hollyfield at half past ten in a carriage to fetch their royal ward.