Page 92 of Filthy Rock Stars
NICO
With our schedules so busy, it’s not until a week after the trip to Shadow’s hometown that I get to see him again. We text all the time, and he calls me from the road while his band makes a few appearances in London. I even stay in his place when he’s gone, my stuff in cardboard boxes against the far wall as I look to buy my own condo.
But I miss him all the time.
I’m not sure why, but the missing aches more than usual. He showed me his hometown and his family. He opened up to me in this whole new way, and it brought me closer to him than ever before.
But he comes back, and there’s this distance between us. This chasm that feels like it’s growing instead of shrinking. This eerie sense that something is off.
We spend the afternoon together in bed, and that helps. We end up relaxed and laughing, and after we clean up, our friends arrive for dinner. Fox and Owen, Damian, and Case all roll in over a couple hours. We joke around and play pinball, and it’s the first time someone from Kissing Dirt has spent time with Shadow, so the fact that it feels so easy means the world to me.
Shadow throws his arm over my shoulder, casually holding me to him while he and Fox talk about motorcycles. I slip my arm around his waist and smile, leaning into his strength. With our friends around us, this feels right. It’s calming.
That’s why it’s so hard when Shadow is away, I realize. My life has turned upside down, but he’s been there through the chaos. I’ve held myself together, but he’s been holding me, too.
When everyone takes off, Shadow immediately starts cleaning up. In a total reversal of what’s normal, I slide onto a stool and leave the mess, but he keeps tidying.
“Case seemed to have a good time,” I say.
Shadow smiles. “Yeah. He’s great. You’re right. I could totally see us being friends.”
“Maybe soon the whole band can hang with you,” I say hopefully. There was supposed to be some movement with the lawyers happening, but Shadow hasn’t mentioned it, except to tell me there were some new problems. I know he gets stressed about the topic so I haven’t asked.
“Want to play music?” I ask. “Run through the asteroid song?”
Shadow pushes a hand through his hair. “I’m kind of beat,” he says over his shoulder. “Do you mind?”
I stand and join him. “No, that’s fine. Here. If you’re tired, let me clean up, and you can get ready for bed.”
Shadow puts the plates down and turns to face me. He offers a lopsided smile. “Fuck it. We can clean tomorrow.”
I kiss him, and I feel him smile, his body relaxing as our lips meet.
There he is.
“Hey,” he says. “About the space opera?”
“Yeah?” We start walking to the bed on the other side of the loft, and I slip my hand into his.
“We’re not going to see each other for another week, but I got you something.”
“What’s that?”
“There’s this production studio. It’s run by a buddy of mine. I know you’ve got a bunch of old recordings of your songs on your laptop, but I thought it probably made sense to get the files all cleaned up and official. He’s got a couple production artists available this week.”
I tilt my head to the side, surprised. “My old recordings?”
“I was thinking about how I’ve been messing around with the songs,” he says quickly. “Adding my bullshit, you know? But you should really get a version down that’s just yours. Your original music, all official and cut together. You can just send the files and they’ll do the rest.”
“Oh.” I let go of his hand as we reach the bed. “I can see how that would be a good idea, sure.” I tilt my head to the side, trying to study him, but Shadow is undressing, and I can’t catch his expression. “This week?”
“Why not?”
“Sure.” I smile. “Thanks, Shadow. That’s sweet.”
When he turns to face me, he’s down his boxer briefs, and I notice that he’s chewing his lip ring. “Cool. And hey, I’ve got another meeting with my lawyers in a few days. I think I’ll have an update for us after that. A big one.”
I pull my shirt off. “That’s great!”