Page 29 of Chaos & Carnage
As soon as she realizes it’s me, she lowers her weapon. “Sorry,” she mumbles.
“No, don’t apologize. You look good wielding that knife.”
Creases form along her forehead. “That’s… an incredibly weird thing to say.”
I laugh. “Yeah, probably. I just mean it’s good to see there’s some fight left in you.”
Her gaze drops to the floor. “Too little, too late, though,” she murmurs, more to herself, yet I refuse to let her think that, so I interject anyway.
“None of that!” I snap out, slowly taking a step toward her, not wanting to upset or alarm her, but not one bit liking her negative attitude toward herself.
“It’s the truth, though, isn’t it? It’s what you’re thinking. What all of you are thinking.”
“You couldn’t be further from the truth. Perhaps you didn’t fight back physically, didn’t wield a weapon or inflict any damage, but you fought by simply staying alive, by not losing yourself, by not giving in, andthattakes more strength than stabbing someone with a knife ever could.”
Her eyes flash in surprise, only it quickly disappears as she shakes her head. “But I did give in. I told Luc that he should just accept his fate, that he should stop fighting and just give in.”
I have to school my surprise, because that is not what Cain told me. The only thing Luc seemed willing to talk about to Cain was what Evie had said to him during the one time they met, and according to Cain, she told Luc to run, to get out of there.
“Didn’t you also tell him to run?” I counter. “I don’t think someone who has truly given up would try to save someone else.”
“Just because I’d given up on myself, doesn’t mean I wanted someone else to bear the same fate as me.”
“I don’t think you’d given up,” I continue to argue. “I think you were surviving. You were doing whatever it took to survive in that place. While you may not have been actively seeking an escape, I think you would have taken it if an opportunity had arisen.”
“I—” She pauses, her mouth clamping shut. “I lost hope.”
“Hope is a fickle bitch. It can kill you just as quickly as it can save you. When I first started living on the streets with Luc, I used to hope that things would improve. I’d pray and dream of a better future for us, except with every passing day where those hopes and dreams became more and more unachievable, that hope started to become suffocating. It was like a noose around my neck that grew tighter until I struggled to breathe beneath the weight of it all. Every time I’d close my eyes, I could see this bright future being dangled just out of reach, taunting me but not something I could ever achieve.”
“So what did you do?” Evie asks, her eyes wide as if she’s hanging on to every word I say.
“I shoved that hope into a little box in the back of my mind, and I buried it so deep that I forgot it ever existed. I stopped hoping things would get better, stopped dreaming of a brighter future, and started focusing on surviving the here and now. On simply getting through the day. On ensuring Luc and I were alive, warm, and fed. As the years went on, I developed tunnel vision. I couldn’t see past the act of merely surviving to realize I no longer had to just survive.”
“What made you realize?”
My lips quirk up in a genuine smile. “Oliver. And your brother. And later, Dante and Enzo. They reminded me that there was more to life than survival. They showed me that survival is the very minimum of what we should aim for, and that if I dared hope for more, I’d discover an entire kaleidoscope of parts that make up the act of living. Surviving is what is at the very core of our being. Our bodies and minds instinctively adapt in order to ensure our survival, but love, friendships, laughter, trust, all of those are what truly make usfeelalive.” Dante is only starting to understand all those things, while I needed reminding of them, and I think Oliver, Cain, and Enzo needed that reminder too.
“I think…” Evie licks her lips in a nervous gesture, but there’s a fierceness in her eyes as she holds my gaze. “I think I needed that reminder too. Luc gave me that reminder.”
Chapter 11
Evie and I sit down to chat over coffee, and although she’s quiet and subdued, that fierceness I saw in her eyes occasionally makes an appearance. It reminds me of Cain when he’s incensed, and I discover that I enjoy talking to Evie. We keep the conversation light. I mostly tell her about my life and answer whatever questions I can about the Rejects and the kids. She admits that she isn’t sure how to be around the kids and doesn’t feel entirely comfortable even though she knows they won’t hurt her, and I assure her that’s perfectly normal and that none of them will take offense. I think it helps when I give her a little insight into their past and the similarities with her own. I don’t miss the way her cheeks turn red at the sound of Marcus’ name, but again, I don’t tease or pry. However, I do manage to convince her to have a movie night with Luc and a couple of the kids—not all of them—and before we part ways, she promises me she’ll talk to Luc about it when he gets back.
Although I wasn’t much help with Luc, the fact that I was able to help Evie and have gotten to know her a little better has me feeling lighter as I head toward the front door. Oliver must surely be back by now, and we all need to sit down and discuss our next moves.
Before I can reach the front door, it flies open, and Oliver storms in like a man on a mission.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, taking in his tense stance as his large legs eat up the distance between us.
“You mean other than the fact you were shot off your bike, hurt, went missing for forty-eight hours, the club was attacked while you were there, and people died?”
“Yes?” I cock a brow, unsure of where he’s going with this.
“And the fact that before you disappeared, I acted like a fucking asshole and nearly ruined the only good thing in my life?”
“You won’t hear any arguments from me.”
“Then I guess it’s because I’ve yet to show you just how sorry I am.” His lips crash down on mine, hungry and desperate. I can taste the anguish in his kiss, feel his apology with every swipe of his tongue over mine.